The Good Ship

Unemployment is…weird. I have all of this time and it’s like I can’t fill all of it up. I feel bad if I don’t spend time looking for work but I can only fill out so many applications per day before I go stir crazy. Stormy is gone. He moved out yesterday and things feel so empty without him here. I’m confused about us, too. Before he left I told him that he should move on and that I want him to be happy with someone else. I really do want him to move on. Stormy is a great friend to me and he was there when my relationship with Sean fell apart, both times. I don’t want to screw up the friendship we have and so we can’t be together the way he wants to be. I won’t let myself hurt him like I did with Randy, but I can’t help but notice the feelings I have for him don’t fall strictly on the platonic side of things.

It’s probably good that we don’t live together anymore. It just makes things more messy and complicated than they probably need to be.

The girls and I are…mending things. Yesterday, after Stormy left I stomped over to Zoey and Wesley’s and banged on the door until she opened it.

“ZOEY, YOU OPEN THIS DAMN DOOR RIGHT N-” I said banging on the door like a crazy person.

She opened the door and stared at me with a mixture of fear, annoyance, and concern.

“What?”

“WHAT? Is that really all you have to say?”

“What do you want, Faith?” She asked sighing.

“I wanted to tell you that I’m mad at you for freezing me out and that-”

There was movement behind her and I realized that Molly and Anna were both there, too. It stung that they were hanging out without me even though I knew this was probably going on anyway, but still, it hurt to actually see it.

“Oh, great, now I don’t have to go bang on Anna and Molly’s doors, too.” I said acidly.

I barged into Zoey’s house without being invited and started rambling about everything that had happened.

“I really needed your support and all of you abandoned me. How could you do that to me? I was trying to get things together. Sean and I aren’t together anymore and we won’t be. I don’t want to be with him anymore and I have sworn off dating. If you don’t want to be my friends anymore, you at least owe me an explanation for blowing me off for the past two months when I tried to get you all to talk to me.” I finished huffily.

The three of them shared a look.

“Faith, we cut Elise out of our lives when she was being destructive; you were at that point, too. It was getting toxic.” Zoey said.

I was shocked and pissed.

“This was NOT the same situation as the one with Elise. I was dating someone you didn’t approve of, Zoey! I wasn’t trying to steal anyone’s boyfriends or husbands. I wasn’t doing god knows what kind of illegal substances she was. That is NOT a fair comparison and YOU KNOW IT!” I was yelling.

“Faith,” Molly squeaked, “We were all worried about you. We thought some tough love would help you see what was at stake.”

I didn’t know what to say. In a way, their abandonment did help me realize what I was doing to my life but there had to be a better way they could have gone about it.

We sat there in a weird silence. I sighed and looked at all three of them.

“I owe you guys an apology. I…lost my way for awhile, but I’m trying to get back on my feet and you should have stopped freezing me out when I sent you all those messages and texts telling you what had happened. Instead you let me feel like a terrible person, unworthy of any sort of friendship, and I got to deal with losing my job without any support to boot!”

Anna, Molly, and Zoey all apologized to me and we all started crying. Hugs were passed around and we ate dinner together. Things are damaged but we’re still friends. I think we’ll overcome this. It feels good to have my girls back.