Saturday, June 20, 2015

Just Call Me Nancy Drew

The plot has thickened with my parents’ move.

My dad called me the day after I got back home. Apparently, my mom called him in hysterics after I left and told him we fought. She also gave him the idea that I instigated it by being completely out of line and rude to her the entire time I was there. She painted herself as a total martyr who put up with her awful daughter until her daughter stormed out.

My dad was very insistent that I apologize to my mother.

“For what, dad? Should I apologize to her for not letting her berate me about my dating life? Or for not silently accepting her judgment over my food choices?”

“Faith, just apologize to her. She’s been so upset since you left, I can’t get her to-”

“I don’t care, dad!” I didn’t want to yell at my dad but I’d had enough, “I’m not apologizing to her. I have nothing to apologize for.”

I hadn’t told my dad that my mom accused me of having an affair with him and I’m sure she didn’t tell him, either. I didn’t want to tell my dad that. What if he mentioned it to my mom and it sent her even more off the edge? It would just cause more bullshit to suck me in and I really want to be out of it.

“Dad, I’m done. I’m not apologizing. I’m not coming back home anymore, no holidays, no vacations. I’m done.”

My dad was quiet on the phone for a long time and I felt so terrible. I love my dad and I don’t want to hurt him but my mom is just too toxic to have in my life…I have to take care of myself and if cutting her out is how I do that, then it has to be done. It just really sucks that my dad is stuck in the middle of it. I feel bad because it’s like I’m punishing my dad for the things my mom has done but cutting her out of my life also means cutting my dad, at least partially, out of my life, too.

“I’m sorry dad.” I said quietly.

He said he understood and then made up an excuse about needing to get off the phone. We said goodbye. A few hours later, my brother called and had a lot of interesting things to say.

“So, dad and I wrapped up one truck load and stopped to get some burgers. On the way back home, though, dad pulled over so we could eat them in the parking lot of the community center by the old house.”

“Why?” I asked.

“He said mom would be mad.”

“Why?”

“Who knows? Mom’s always mad about something. Anything could set her off. Anyway, we were talking and I found out that mom bought the house without dad even being there.”

“Wait…what?” I asked.

“Yeah, she just went to look at this house with a realtor and offered them the asking price. She didn’t tell dad about it until after her offer had been accepted.”

“Why would she do that?” I said.

“No idea. Dad doesn’t know either. But when he told her that they’d need to start getting the old house ready to sell she apparently lost it.”

“What do you mean?”

“She told dad she wasn’t going to move, that she would just cancel everything. Dad called the realtor to see if that was possible but apparently they could be sued for the full cost of the new house. Dad explained that to her and she seemed to finally accept it until….”

“Until what?”

“Well, you know they’ve been having showings of the old house and the realtor gave them some feedback they’d gotten from some of the people who went through it. One couple mentioned that the house smelled like cigarette smoke.”

My mom is the only person in the family who smokes, she’s been doing it since her early twenties and has never stopped, not even during pregnancy or watching her mother die from a massive stroke due to smoking. There was literally no one else she could blame for this.

“Okay?” I said.

“She threatened to kill herself over it.”

I didn’t know what to say. It was such an outlandish reaction to something relatively minor (apparently all of the other feedback was positive).

“Do…do you think she was actually suicidal?” I asked.

“No idea.” Justin said.

So much of my mother’s behavior during the whole moving situation was out of control. I didn’t know how to help my dad, it was clear that my mother was beyond the help of a professional and I didn’t even want to think about how she would react to someone suggesting she needed to see someone. After all, in her mind all of this was justified and everyone ELSE was the problem.

“Well….do I need to be worried? Is dad worried?”

“He watched her closely for a few days and she never tried to do anything and she acted like nothing had happened. He tried to bring it up but she just looked at him like she had no idea what he was talking about.”

Justin said they’d gotten the rest of the furniture moved in and my parents are now officially living at their new house. The old house is empty and still for sale, but apparently there might be an offer coming soon from a young couple that looked at it last week.

So. That’s the full story with my parents and the sudden purchase of a new house. My mom went crazy and bought a house, basically.


I felt even worse for my dad, it can’t be easy trying to deal with all of that, but I have to wash my hands of my mother. For my own sanity.

7 comments:

  1. Yes, you do. Sounds like Mom has a serious chemical imbalance. I'd be afraid for your dad! mum

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  2. I always wonder what the "normal" partner gets out of a relationship with someone so...problematic (nice way of putting it). How does someone with any shred of common sense and even average self-esteem put up with someone like that?! I can't comprehend it. Sounds like maybe her mother has some sort of onset of dementia? She doesn't even seem to remember her bizarre threat of suicide over the smelly house issue. Or, maybe she's on the manic side of bipolar right now, though that doesn't explain her long-standing mean streak. According to Faith, her mom's always been messed up, but this recent behavior seems pronounced. What kind of mother accuses her daughter of sleeping with her father, with nothing to base such an ugly idea on (besides paranoid delusions)? Gross. The woman is just *YUCK*.

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    1. Could partly be dementia though that seems like a pretty fast decline. My grandma has Alzheimer's and every so often is totally convinced that grandpa is cheating on her. Maybe paranoid schizophrenia or multiple personalities? Definitely a strange turn for her mom, most rational people don't buy a house out of the blue. Sometimes things like that are easy to hide for years then something happens and they can't hide it anymore that they're not ok. I'm kinda going through that with depression, haven't done anything that drastic but I'm sure a few people at work think I'm sorta crazy when I go through periods where I keep having breakdowns in the middle of shift for no apparent reason.

      Also Del, no matter what a few say about your blog there's many more of us who still keep checking back every week even if you say there won't be a post. So easy to stay hooked on the story!

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  3. I know Faith feels bad for her dad, but he is an enabler. Her mother needs help and he needs to get it for her. I'm sure he just feels obligated, but she is destructive.

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    1. So true. My dad has been my mother's enabler for the past 46 years. She's self-involved and immature to the extreme, but it's her long-standing pill addiction that really takes any good qualities that she does sometimes exhibit and just buries them. A while back, she overdosed, winding up in the intensive care unit for a couple of days in a coma. When she came out of it, all she could do was point the finger at everyone around her, rather than take even a smidge of responsibility for her own actions. I can't deal with that woman, or my dad's desperate, unethical antics to keep her manageable. Faith is so smart for cutting herself off from all that bullshit. Nothing else she can do. I really sympathize and relate to her no-win situation; very similar. I've just had to accept the realities of the way things are, and try not to get caught up in the madness.

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    2. I'm sorry to hear this, Witchypoo.

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    3. Thanks, Scattered Thoughts. We all have our troubles, right? Just these posts about Faith's mother lately - especially these last two - have really resonated with me. I'm glad Faith's character has finally decided to just step out of her mother's path of destruction, before more damage is done. Considering how Faith had to grow up with this woman, I think she could have turned out a lot worse. She tends toward self-destruction, but Faith's character is still kind and doesn't operate out of petty malice or bitterness toward others. That's amazing, considering her role model.

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