Tuesday, December 8, 2015

The John Saga- Part One

After a lot of back and forth, I decided to accept John’s invitation for coffee.

Zoey, Penny, and Molly all gave their approval and encouragement for the idea of me dating again, although, I think if they knew about the brief thing with Sean they might have a different viewpoint.

Anyway, our first date was simple and easy. We decided to meet for coffee about a week before Thanksgiving. We have more in common than I thought but occasionally I found it hard to concentrate because people were stopping to take pictures of us. Two girls even came up to John to ask him for an autograph. He obliged and quietly apologized to me after they left. It wasn’t a big deal but it definitely highlighted how different our lives are and John’s is only going to get less private from here once his enormous superhero franchise opens.

There was really only one awkward part of our date and it was when John asked me about my family.

“Isn’t Thanksgiving coming up?” He asked.

John doesn’t celebrate Thanksgiving because he’s originally from Spain.

“Do you have any plans with your family?” He continued.

“No. We have a show that day and they live in another state so…”

“Oh, well, you’ll get to see them around Christmas…” He said.

There was an awkward beat of silence when I didn’t answer. I hate the holidays.

“So, what does your mom do?” He asked.

I squirmed in my seat. How do you explain to someone all of your complicated family issues on a first date without revealing too much?

“I…am not on good terms with my mother….”

“Oh.” The way he said it made me cringe internally. I don’t want pity from people with perfect families. Poor Faith with the mommy issues. I just want to be free from it all.

He cleared his throat and changed the subject slightly.

“So…maybe you’d be up for spending Thanksgiving with me? I could make you the traditional dinner and you could come to my place after the show. I’ll DVR the parade and we can watch it together. What do you think?”

“You’re going to make me an entire roast turkey?” I giggled.

“Well…no, probably not. But I can roast a turkey breast and mash some potatoes.” He smiled.
I laughed and said I’d bring a side and a dessert.


And that was our next date.

I showed up at John’s house after closing up the theatre, changing clothes, and grabbing the pie and grocery store deli sides out of my fridge.

He put me to work mashing the potatoes and heating up the sides I had brought (corn and roast asparagus). As he pulled a pan of dinner rolls out of the oven, I smiled to myself. What a weird way to spend Thanksgiving, but it also felt right.

In a funny but also a kind of sad way this Thanksgiving was the first drama-free, stress-free holiday I’ve had in years. And I knew it was because I didn’t have to worry about dealing with my family. My dad had only asked once if I would consider coming. I changed my phone number so he emailed me the request and I declined it. I miss my dad so much. I know this fallout with my mother has been hard on him but she’s just too toxic to have in my life anymore. My brother has also added his air share of guilting to the mix but I’ve stayed firm. The closer it got the less they pushed.

“What are you thinking about?” John asked.

He must have noticed I was lost in my own thoughts.

“Nothing.” I smiled.

As I helped him set the table and we sat down to eat, John studied my face.

“What?” I asked looking at him over a small fall-themed centerpiece.

“You seem to cover up a lot.”

I looked at him with a smirk and he continued.

“I just mean, that sometimes I feel like you pretend to be happy and maybe you think you’re doing that for my benefit but I can handle the sad, too, Faith.”

He’d really caught me off guard.

“I’m not sad I just…look it’s not that I’m ungrateful for all of this, it’s a beautiful dinner. I’ve never had a man do something so sweet for me.”

“But?”

“I don’t know. It’s….it doesn’t feel like a real Thanksgiving,”

“Well, it doesn’t have to. It can just be a nice dinner.”

“I’m sorry.” I said I knew I was ruining everything, “John…it doesn’t feel like a real Thanksgiving for me because of my family.”

He nodded.

“I see. I get it, people want to be with their families for the holidays-”

I laughed.

“No, John, I’m used to Thanksgiving being terrible because of my family. It doesn’t feel like Thanksgiving because this has been so wonderful and…and easy.”

He was quiet for a second and I felt obligated to explain.

“I know I told you I don’t have a good relationship with my mother and just left it at that. But I really don’t. I’ve refused all contact with her for months, she’s toxic and abusive and I just couldn’t deal with it anymore. She will never see me as anything more than a failure and I deserve better. And I know that this is A LOT to take in for a second date, but the way I’m feeling? What you’re picking up on? Is really complicated and has a lot of complicated feelings behind it but it’s not you, John. It’s just….the holidays. I hate them and I probably will never stop hating them. There are just too many bad memories.”

I shrugged and John seemed to accept it.

“Well, should we eat?” He asked smiling at me.

“That’s it?” I asked with hesitation.

“That’s it. You’re one of those people that choose your family. I’m lucky you’ve chosen to spend today with me.”

I wanted to cry. Everything about John seemed to be so easy. He didn’t play games. He was straight-forward and clear. It was refreshing. The night he made me a Thanksgiving dinner I knew we’d start dating seriously.



At the beginning of December, Adam and I were having a Project Runway night. I’d kept my distance from Adam’s personal life with Heather. I knew they were still struggling even after getting back together but I decided to stay out of it and keep my thoughts to myself. Personally, if I ever found myself as miserable as Adam seemed because of who I was dating I wouldn’t want to still be in the relationship. I know you’re all rolling your eyes really hard at that sentence but I’ve come a long way from where I was. Life is just too damn short to give your time to people you don’t care about.

“I don’t know how Tim can be so polite about some of these designs. I mean these are just terrible!” I said.

“Mmmm.”

Adam had been mopey all night so I paused the DVR, sighed, and got comfortable.

“Tell me what’s going on.” I said.

“It’s fine.” He said.

“Adam…”

“Heather and I broke up. For good this time. It’s over.”

I let Adam talk. Heather skipped right over moving in together and started pushing for a ring and Adam was having none of it. According to him it was the same fight over and over and he just didn’t think he’d be able to give her what she wanted. I do see things from Heather’s point of view. Why be with someone if they don’t want a future with you or can’t see themselves having one with you? Adam seemed so indifferent to her viewpoint, like he didn’t really care if she had a point. He’s always been a really caring guy so this worried me a little.

While I was listening to him, Adam suddenly leaned in and kissed me. At first, I kissed him back, our arms wrapped around each other and he was on top of me on my couch pawing at my shirt. But then I pushed him away.

“What? What’s wrong?”

I sat up and disentangled myself from him.

“Well, first of all…I’m seeing someone right now and we’re not exclusive yet but I want to see where it goes. But second of all? I am not the girl you get to use for sex whenever you break up with your girlfriend. If you feel lonely or if you miss Heather, then you need to work it out with her because I deserve better than to be treated like this by you. I’m not just someone you can fuck to make yourself feel better, Adam. I have feelings and whenever you show up and pull this shit it’s confusing for me and it’s not good for our friendship so cut it out!”

I looked at him angrily and he sighed. I was expecting a fight but it definitely turned out differently.

“You’re right. I’m sorry, Faith. You deserve more respect than that. And it’s not fair to you, it puts you in a weird position, and I should know better. I’m just so screwed up. I hate my life right now.”

“Adam, has Heather ever done or said anything that makes you not want to commit to her? You guys have been dating for a long time. Don’t you think it’s a little unfair to expect her to just keep going with the ways things are if she doesn’t know what you’re moving towards?”

“She’s never done anything wrong…I just…need more time before take things farther. I know that as soon as we make any sort of solid commitment to each other I’ll be dragged into my family’s world and that’s what I’m really not ready for.”

“Well then you need to tell her that. She deserves an explanation for your behavior. And if you hate your life right now? Well, you’re the only person who can fix it. If you hate working for your dad then quit. Do some freelance work to keep yourself human. Do whatever you need to do to be yourself again because this pity party train you’ve been on isn’t good for you.”

We finished eating pizza and watching Project Runway but after he left I couldn’t sleep. I kept thinking about what had happened between us over the summer and then again that night. And then my thoughts drifted to John and then I was just angry about Adam putting me in a situation where I wasn’t sure what to do. John and I hadn’t had the talk yet, and for all I know he could be dating five other women. I was annoyed at being in this situation AGAIN and still not knowing what to do. Do I tell John? Do I let it go? Do I just crawl into a hole and give up?



40 comments:

  1. Honestly I think that unless you have agreed to be exclusive with someone what happens with anyone else isn't their business. Now if you are sleeping with more than one person you should be up front about that and use protection.

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  2. I don't think John is obligated to know unless the conversation comes up organically. Otherwise, they're not exclusive yet! It really shouldn't matter. Besides, it was just a kiss. It's not like they slept together and there is concern about safe-sex.

    I was so excited to see a new post :D

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  3. ,I think ia good that she's feeling like thias, even as they aren't exclusive yet. It means a lot of growth from Faith and moving forward.

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  4. Wow you'd think faith would have more compassion for Adam since she's been a screwed up sorry excuse for a human a lot longer than she has been starting to get her stuff together. I hate people like that. All of a sudden they get on the right track then they start acting like self righteous people. Get over yourself faith. Yeah you weren't wrong but man you could've had a little empathy.

    Faith is just not a good person. Even after all she's been through. She's not likable at all.

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    1. Empathy for him jumping on her the instant he's single again? I'm glad she took the time to explain why she wasn't going to fall back into the old habit of hooking up with him. That's isn't lack of empathy, it's believing in her own self-worth. I actually think that this is the first time we've seen true growth in Faith. Politely agree to disagree.

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    2. I clearly stated I don't think she was wrong but she didn't have to be so bitchy. Did he judge her both times she jumped on Sean?

      She was right. But that doesn't mean she wasn't being a bitch and made him feel really low. Esp. To someone who has always been there and never judged her.

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    3. Yeah, she does come off somewhat self-righteous here, though usually I don't get that sense from her. And you're right...she did kiss him back, which only advanced the situation - and she wound up blaming it all on Adam. If you don't want a situation to keep going, you end it right away, without any encouragement. Faith tends to blame her reactions on the guy in question, rather than take responsibility for how she contributed. She made good points, but threw out mixed signals first, then did act kind of bitchy about it. Adam's been *very* understanding and supportive of her throughout their association, and without the judgmental edge she reacted with here. He's not on his game right now, things are messed up for him, and he made a misguided, bad call by kissing her...but it's not like Faith stopped him right away - she responded in kind.

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    4. I guess I read her tone differently than you two do, especially after she told him why she pushed him off an sighed angrily. She is being straightforward with him as a friend should be and even trying to help him figure out why he feels the way he does (or doesn't)about Heather. I don't read self-righteous in what she says, I just read self-aware and that she finally as a backbone and thinks of herself as more than a f*ck buddy for once.

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    5. Yeah I mean lets not forget when Adam broke up with Heather, fucked Faith for a few days then said never mind and went back to Heather. That was shitty and seeking comfort by using someone else never works, as shown by faith and sean as well. The kiss was just a thoughtless move on Adam's part especially since it was his choice last time to end things with faith and go back to heather.

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    6. Again. And let's say it slow this time. Faith was not wrong!.. Let's try this again Faith was not wrong... This time!
      But as demonstrated in how I wrote that first paragraph there is a way to approach people like a huge bitch! Faith is just starting to get her shit together. All it took was a unplanned pregnancy bring stalked by a psycho girl and having her fiancée die! Come on. She has no right to be self righteous and judgmental. Yes Adam was wrong yes Adam could have handled the situation better but sometimes when your on a downward spiral right and wrong is fuzzy! Faith should know that first hand. So all I'm saying is she could have been less bitchy to the guy that had stood with her through multiple mistakes. Multiple bad decisions multiple downward spirals!

      Because let's be honest even after this and last summer Adam is 10 times the human faith could ever hope to be!

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    7. I don't see anything she said to him as self-righteous or judgmental. We all get so happy when one of Faith's friends call her out on her sh*t, but it seems a little unfair to see her doing the same thing for HER friend and calling her bitchy. I also think that the reaction would be different if the roles had been reversed in this scenario and HE tried to tell HER that he wants to be treated differently and to do a little self-reflection to find out what she wants. I guess we'll find out from upcoming posts if Adam thinks Faith came on too strong with her words.

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    8. I do sometimes think some of her friends (specifically, Molly) have been too judgmental and rough on Faith - bitchy, so-to-speak, when the situation doesn't warrant it. Mentioned it several times before. I think some of why Faith reacted the way she did here (verbally speaking), is because she was frustrated with her *own* initial reaction - she didn't stop Adam until they were beginning to go at it, and was responding with encouragement until that point. She's got a habit of throwing out mixed signals, then putting it all on the guy in question.

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    9. Adam won't think faith is coming on too strong. Because That's how it is in Faith's life. In some aspects she is a spoiled brat. The reason why people would judge faith for being too hard is because, I think when your growing as a person and trying to better yourself empathy is a natural progression. You remember how hard it was for you to figure it out and get where you are. You remember how it felt to be judged too harshly and still keep making the same mistakes. Being humble, sympathetic, empathetic those are the traits I've known to develop in people who grow and evolve into better happy healthy human beings. That's just my opinion.

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    10. Good points, Anonymous. Agree totally (about Faith growing as a person could include her showing more empathy/sympathy toward someone who's having a rough patch, and taking some missteps in the process). She should know how easy it is to have clouded judgment when Life is seemingly messed up. Adam has been there for her throughout so much, treating her gently and shown pretty much unconditional support and a friendly ear - even when she hurt him at times. At least, to the best of my recall, that's been the case overall.

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  5. Agreed. Every time there's a new post I think Faith might be acting like an adult. Then she goes right back to her old crap. I can't even remember the days when she was a likable, even slightly functioning adult. At this point she'd be in her 30's, get it together girl.
    Is she still seeing a therapist? Because if so, she should sue for all the money she's spent so far, as well as pain and suffering. Faith has clearly gotten nothing from those sessions.
    It must be a rough life being so self-centered, throwing constant pity parties and blaming everyone else for your problems. Blaming Adam for kissing her? Really? She kissed him back
    She hasnt grown at all. It's the same thing every time.
    Maybe I'll leave my email so someone can let me know when this thing gets interesting again.

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  6. Honestly I think that unless you have agreed to be exclusive with someone what happens with anyone else isn't their business. Now if you are sleeping with more than one person you should be up front about that and use protection.

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  7. I don't think she has to tell him. They aren't exclusive and she didn't sleep with him. But ugh, am I the only one hoping her and Adam will get on the same page eventually.

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  8. I don't know why she'd need to mention this to John at all; not only are they not exclusive, they've only had 1 date. Faith and Adam didn't have sex, either. Hashing this out with John would just be awkward and premature on Faith's part, and she'd be presuming that he'd even want to hear about it at this early point. I don't get her thinking sometimes.

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  9. So glad you're back! I'm still holding out for Faith and Adam!

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  10. Omg! I'm sorry but this is so annoying! I get it! Your busy. Your in school your bettering yourself but you are also being selfish. Tell us the real deal. That you will update once every couple of months. I know you owe us nothing but we don't owe you anything either. And just like it's not fair for us to make you feel bad for not updating its not fair for you to act like we don't matter throw us a post then disappear again! At least a line saying hey can't post. Something! Before everyone jumps up she owes us nothing blah blah blah. The fans she built up didn't owe her anything either. We don't have to read her stories or compliment her and she did get something out of that too. How horrible would she feel to write a blog no one reads?!! So yes here is my frustration for getting me invested and just leaving us hanging!

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    1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    2. I agree 100%. Of course, we don't have to read the blog or check for updates so we are making the choice to stay invested but it would be courteous of the author to give us an accurate update on the blog's schedule and keep such schedule.

      Jmho

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  11. Seriously. Any sort of schedule or ending to come or heads up on a new post would be appreciated. I don't see how if you can't handle posts now you'll be able to once med school hits. And I was rooting for you to keep it going.... Sigh.

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  12. I agree, it's been very inconsistent. And I'm sorry but she does owe us in a way, just like we are loyal and excited and we come back and back, she gets hits on her site for that. She gets her writing noticed, she gets to feel good about people enjoying her story. Lots of blogs that have started just like this have ended up with books, better job opportunity etc. This may not be what you want to do full time, but we've had how many posts in the last 6-7 months? And they are soooo inconsistent. I know you're busy, as are we. Either close the story or start a schedule, even if it's once a month. It's a blog, it's for the public, it's for others to read (and for the author to write) there is more than just one individual involved in this relationship. So yes, I think people have the right to be frustrated after the time, patience and feedback we've provided as readers.

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    1. Especially since it's been a month with no news. She says she writes it just for herself which I understand but it's got to more of a hassle to write once every couple months than to just conclude the story and use that time for something else.

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    2. If she only wrote it for herself she would have stopped her blog a long time ago. There has been an inconsistency for over a year now. She's been dealing with comments and negativity about her blog for that long. It's stressful I'm sure. Which is why if this was just for her, she'd eliminate the stress and stop the blog, or make a schedule. It's really simple. You are putting something out for the public. Either do it or don't.

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  13. If she writes it for herself why post it? Why build this following. Why have comments? Why acknowledge is at all? She gets something. Her ego stroked. When she feels down support from everyone. When she is happy all the congrats and all the pats on the back. It's kinda ridiculous the way she is just ignoring her fans now.

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    1. Well after reading this comment, she will probably go right back to writing. Good thinking...

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    2. I don't know why this would make her stop writing more so than the fact that she already stopped writing. I love her writing but it's very obvious she doesn't really care about the readers so I don't think the comment will bother her.

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  14. I hope we get an update soon! Even if it's hey guys I'm crazy busy check back in a month. I do hope she ends the blog before med school starts. That way we get a conclusion and she can focus on med school.

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  15. Hi..... Anyone still there..... Hello....... Anyone......

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  16. Clearly doesn't care about her fans. I'm done checking for updates and even if there is one I'm not reading it anymore. Too hard to find a story line when you get a few paragraphs every couple months. I could care less about their story now and there's plenty of blogs with writers who actually do care about their readers.

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  17. Good be gone Anonymous @ 9:07am....nobody is forcing you to read the story. Del usually does update us so for her not to causes me worry not anger. Personally I'd rather the occasional post and re-read the past posts to refresh myself than to read nothing at all.

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    1. That's so nice of you to see me out. Thank you. I read other blogs, so I don't need this one that has zero consistency or care for their fans to get mixed up with those ones. I wasn't forcing you to stop reading either. Enjoy

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  18. Does anyone have consistent similar blogs that you read that you would recommend ?

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    1. Try New Beginnings, New Adventures (it's over but very good (start from the beginning!) and she has started a new one as well with the link on that page. New York Dixie (same as this, it's over but you can start from the beginning or start her new one, link on her page). And one I just started reading is Life By Aleah. Happy Hunting!

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  19. 1 of 2 things happened here : either the author read the comments and is angry or she is really so busy the blog died a slow death!

    And everyone jumped on the people asking her to end the blog! See what happens. Now these characters are in blog limbo with no conclusion. Excuse me while I cry !!!

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    1. I think Del probably just has a little (a lot) too much going on in her life right now. There's been a few unhappy comments here and there in the past when she couldn't focus on the story, and she didn't seem angry about it. She'll get back to it when she can...assuming nothing seriously wrong has taken place. Hope you're doing well, Del. (rhymes, I know).

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  20. No update still??

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