Commitment

Wesley and Zoey got married!

Time Out

It’s been a while since I wrote last.

Moving on Up

Things have been moving slowly for me. It’s like I’m underwater but no one else around me is so they’re all talking and moving like normal while I’m struggling to breathe.

I miss him.

Mutual

“So, that’s it? You just ended it?” Molly said.

“Faith, what were you thinking?” Zoey asked.

The three of us were at the dog park by my apartment with Sasha and Bear (Wesley’s German Shepherd, who Zoey was taking care of while he was out of town for a photo shoot). I told them that Adam and I were no longer together and they were completely floored.

“I just knew we wouldn’t make it if we tried long distance.”

“Well, that’s not true,” Molly said, “There’s no way you could have really known that unless you actually tried it with him.”

“Seriously.” Zoey said.

I sighed.

“Look, you guys don’t have to make me feel bad, okay? I already feel horrible enough as it is.”

“Have you talked to him since then?” Zoey asked.

Relapse

On a spur of the moment, Zoey, Molly, and I decided to do a book club sort of thing together. We’ve all been meaning to read the A Song of Ice and Fire series by George R. R. Martin but none of us have gotten around to it yet so we thought we could all read it together. Adam pointed out to me that the series hasn’t actually been finished yet, that there are still two books to be written, but these books are huge and will take me forever to get through so I think the next one will at least be published by the time I’m ready to start reading it.

Molly and I headed over to Zoey’s place early on Sunday morning to talk about the first half of the book together and have brunch.

“I think Joffrey is such a brat.” Molly said.

“Me, too. I think Tyrion is my favorite character so far.” I said knocking on Zoey’s door.

When the door opened, Zoey was not the one standing there.

“Hello ladies.”

Movers and Shakers

Zoey was able to find an apartment in record time and Molly, Anna, and I were helping her move before Wesley came back from Australia, he had extended his stay so they wouldn't have to share the same living space while Zoey moved out.  She bribed us with the promise of pizza and beer once we got done.

“This looks like it’s going to be a pretty clean break.” Anna said carrying a box up the stairs to Zoey’s new place.

“It’s for the best.” Zoey said.

It took us a few hours to get everything upstairs and organized. Zoey had a lot more stuff than I realized. Some of it was stuff she’d been keeping in storage after moving in with Wesley. We decided to go out and eat in a pizza place instead of Zoey’s apartment and then go to the store and help her get some groceries to stock her fridge.

We were dirty and sweaty but the pizza and beers were just what the doctor ordered. I had told the girls that Mike and I were back together but I hadn’t told them about the Brad incident. Honestly, I’m too ashamed and embarrassed to tell them and I still don’t know if I should tell Mike or not. Brad has sent me a few text messages but I haven’t responded to them. I’m worried about what it’s going to be like to see Brad for the first time since the stockroom incident.

“You know, I’m kind of glad things with Wesley and I are over. I’ve missed being single and having my own space. I can’t wait to just be in my own apartment and have my own space.”

“I’m happy you’re happy.” I said clinking my pint to hers.

“I think it’s awesome that you’re embracing the single life.” Molly said taking a bite of her pepperoni pizza.

“Me, too. Marriage is hard, you have to make sure that if you’re going to go down that road, it’s with the right person. Wesley just wasn’t that guy for you.” Anna added.

“You know, Mike and I have talked about marriage.” I said.

“Really? Already?” Anna asked.

“Well, not very seriously but he has mentioned that he’d marry me tomorrow if the thought wasn’t so terrifying to both of us. So, I guess, take that how you will.” I joked.

“And what do you think about that?” Zoey asked sipping her beer.

“I love him and I think our relationship is the healthiest one I’ve ever been in so maybe marriage is in our future…if I can manage not to screw it up.”

“What do you mean?” Molly asked suspiciously.

“Nothing…I just…well sometimes I seem to sabotage my relationships or make stupid decisions that doom them.”

“Anything in particular you’d like to mention?” Zoey smirked.

“Nope.” I took a bite of pizza.

We finished our pizzas and beers and then headed to the grocery store to help Zoey buy the essentials. Once she was all stocked up, we stayed and helped her set up her bed and unpack a few things. Molly and I were putting away dishes in the kitchen while Anna and Zoey were making her bed. It really is a nice apartment.

I’ve been thinking about what Zoey said about wanting her own space and I felt the smallest pang of sadness over losing my old apartment, especially in the way I lost it. But I really do like living with Molly. It makes me wonder if Wesley wasn’t the guy we all thought he was but surely Zoey would’ve have said something or asked for help if the situation was really bad, right?

Woe is Zoe

“It’s weird.” I said over brunch, “I don’t think I’ve ever been so happy in a relationship before.”

“That’s what being in a healthy relationship feels like.” Anna joked.

“Yeah.” Molly said.

“How would you know,” Zoey joked, “Aren’t you still doing whatever it is that you’re doing with Calvin?”

“That’s not a relationship so it doesn’t have to be healthy.” Molly said.

“I’d really like to go bowling with you guys next weekend. Are you free?” I asked.

They all looked up their schedules on their phones and nodded.

“Why don’t you bring Mike along?” Anna asked.

“I won’t subject you guys to how disgusting we are right now. I would hate me if I had to watch us from an outsider's perspective.” I laughed, “You know, Mike and I never really had one of those honeymoon periods right at the beginning of our relationship so maybe this is just a phase and it’s going to get bad soon.”

“Faith, stop. You are in a healthy and happy relationship. Let yourself enjoy it and stop waiting for the other shoe to drop.” Zoey said sternly.

“You’re right. I’m being stupid. How are you and Wesley doing?”

“We’re…fine.” She said.

“What’s going on?” Molly asked as the waiter brought our food (I got scrambled eggs with toast, Anna got waffles with fresh berries, Molly got a hash brown skillet, and Zoey got maple oatmeal with a bagel).

Zoey waited until the waiter left and then tried to change the subject.

“I really love this place, they have great food.”

“Mmmyeah, what’s the deal?” I said refusing to let her off the hook.

“It’s nothing guys, it’s just…” Zoey looked at the three of us, “I think Wesley is going to ask me to marry him.”

The three of us gave her a blank stare.

“Shouldn’t that be something you’re excited about?” Anna asked.

Zoey looked at us and her eyes welled up with tears.

“Zoey, what is the problem?”

“I just don’t…I don’t think I WANT to get married. And I don’t know if it’s because I don’t want to get married ever or if I just don’t want to get married to Wesley.”

“Oh…” the three of us said together. We exchanged glances.

“Well, first, what makes you think he’s going to ask you to marry him?” Anna asked.

“He’s been talking a lot about the future…kids, owning a house, getting a joint checking account with me…I think he’s going to ask me while we’re at his parents’ house over Christmas. And I’m afraid that I’ll say no and what kind of horrible person would do that in front of their boyfriend’s parents and family?”

The three of us weren’t sure what to say.

“Zoey, you should probably talk to Wesley about this. It doesn’t sound like you’re on the same page.” Molly said.

“I know I should but what if he wants to call things off right before we’re supposed to go to Australia and hang out with his family for two weeks?”

“Don’t go.” I said, “Duh.”

“It’s not an easy conversation to have.” Anna said, “But you need to talk to him about what you’re feeling and the doubt you have about everything or it’s just going to get worse.”

“You’ve been together for almost two and a half years, Zoe. You live together! If you can’t talk to him about your feelings at this point, you probably NEED to have that conversation.” Molly said.

I nodded. I feel bad for Zoey. She’s been with Wesley for a long time and I don’t really know how to help her through this. It would be scary to be with someone for that long and not know if they’re who you really want to be with. But I can’t tell if Zoey’s just scared or if their relationship isn’t as strong as I thought it was.

And The Verdict Is?

When I told Mike that the girls were excited to meet him, he suggested we all go bowling. I was hesitant at first but decided it would be a really fun way to introduce him to my friends. We all met at the bowling alley and I was nervous from the second Mike and I got there. Zoey brought Wesley and Anna brought Theo. Molly didn’t bring Calvin because “we don’t go on dates”. I rolled my eyes and went to go get shoes for Mike and I.

When I came back, Mike had the girls in stitches with a story from one of his first fires and he was on a real roll all night. We got some drinks and snacks from the food bar and had a blast bowling. There was trash talk, laughter, and Wesley kicked everyone’s ass with a score of 268.

“You neglected to tell us you were a professional bowler, Wesley.” I said queuing up another game for all of us.

I looked around for Mike and saw that he was on his phone. He came back and looked hurried.

“Is everything okay?” I asked.

He pulled me aside.

“Faith, I am so sorry. I have to go.”

“What? But we’ve only been here for an hour.”

“I know, there’s a big fire downtown and I’ve been called in for back-up. I have to go. I am so sorry. I promise I’ll make it up to you and your friends.”

“O-okay.” I said with a great deal of disappointment.

Mike said good-bye to everyone before leaving. It was hard for me not to pout the rest of the night.

“Oh, cheer up, Faith.” Anna said, “We get that he has a job.”

“Seriously. I love him.” Said Zoey.

“Hey now.” Wesley joked.

“You guys like him?” I said looking up from my soda and cheese sticks.

“He’s great. And he’s great for you.” Said Molly.

“The way he looks at you is adorable.” Zoey said stealing a cheese stick.

“I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s already falling in love with you.” Anna said.

“It’s a little early for that.” I said, “But I’m so happy you guys like him. I was really nervous you wouldn’t like him like you did with…”

I trailed off and things got awkward. I try to avoid referring to Sean directly as it’s a sore subject for all of us but Theo saved the awkward silence.

“Hey, should we get bumpers this time? Molly kind of needs them.”

“I do not!”

“Your high score was a 12.”

“I’ll go tell the shoe rental guy that we want some bumpers.” I said getting up.

“I’ll go get us some more food. Or maybe we should just grab some pizza after this game?” Wesley asked.

We voted for pizza after one more game and ended up going to a deep dish pizza place that is to die for. I am definitely bringing Mike there on our next date. Anna and Theo are having a barbeque on Labor Day and invited me to it. I’m going to see if Mike can come, too, it’ll give him more time to visit with my friends since tonight was cut short. 

Candid

Apparently, I’m making sleeping with Sean a habit. Yes, it happened again (actually a few times since I last posted). Yes, I hate myself for it. No, I don’t know why I’m letting this happen. No, I haven’t told anyone about it.

He called me to see if he could come get the sweater he’d left behind back and I said okay. What I should have done was left it at the front office and had him pick it up there but I didn’t. He came over, we had coffee, he started talking about the tour and Karen and the baby and being a dad, and then it just happened. He’s been coming over off and on for what are essentially booty calls. We aren’t back together again; we’re just both sleeping with each other.

Last night we were laying next to each other and staring at the ceiling. I was overwhelmed with guilt and wasn’t really in the mood to listen to Sean wax nostalgic about our relationship like he usually does afterward.

“I’ve missed you, Faith. I’ve missed THIS.”

“What cheating on your girlfriend?” I said unapologetically.

Sean was quiet for minute; like he was deciding whether to take the fight or not.

“Oh, so I’m cheating on Karen but you’re not cheating on Russell?”

“Randy.”

“Whatever. You don’t get to judge me anymore for cheating on you, Faith, not when you’re doing the same thing.”

“It’s NOT the same.” I said shaking my head and continuing to stare at the ceiling.

“No, you’re right. It’s worse than what I did to you because you keep doing it. I only slept with Karen the one time.”

“Oh, and I can be sure of that? You practically lived with her on a tour bus. How am I supposed to know you weren’t sleeping with her on the side?”

“I’m not getting into this.”

“Fine, are we going to talk about all the other things you never wanted to talk about when we were together? Like Paul?”

“Faith, don’t.”

“You should probably go. Karen will be suspicious. What have you been telling her, anyway, to get time away from her to come over here?”

“Band practice.”

“She probably knows, you know.”

Sean didn’t say anything for awhile.

“You’re right, I should go.”

“Bye.”

He got up, got dressed, and left without another word. As soon as I heard my front door close, I got a text from Randy:

“Are we still on for tomorrow night? The babysitter is going to stay the night ; )”

I replied, “yes” and immediately felt guilty. I know I should tell Randy. I know that I’m cheating on him and it sucks because I know how bad that feels but I can’t bring myself to do it. I’ve tried a few times but I can’t bring myself to say the words. Randy seems so happy and content in our relationship right now and I don’t want to be the one that ruins it even though I already have.

Thanksgiving at Zoey’s was fun. She cooked some awesome food, Molly helped, and we had it at Wesley’s new place. I’m pretty sure Zoey and Wesley will end up moving in together pretty soon and it feels bittersweet. I’m happy for Zoey. She deserves to have a great guy but I’m also jealous. Sean and I were going to live together and be happy and it didn’t work out and instead I’m sleeping with my cheating ex-fiancé while I’m dating a great guy. I’m really messed up, guys. And I can’t talk to any of my friends about it because they hate Sean and they don’t think I should be dating Randy, either.

Out of the Blue

Sean has been gone for the past few days and we haven’t really had time to talk since he left. Usually we try to Skype every other day but he’s only been able to talk to me for about 20 minutes at a time and Skyping is completely out because Sean’s computer was sat on by a crew member. They’ve had a show every night, including the day they left, and it’s taking a lot out of him. He fell asleep while we were talking on the phone last night. I can’t help but feel bad for him. I don’t think this tour is cracking up to be what he expected, to be honest.

I wanted to distract myself from Sean’s absence so I invited Zoey and Wesley over for dinner. We decided we’d go see a movie afterward. The three of us had fun making food in the kitchen; the theme was taco fixings! Wesley makes THE BEST taco meat I’ve ever had. I don’t know what kind of spice magic he did but it was phenomenal and I demanded that Zoey get me the recipe. While Wesley was busy making the meat, Zoey and I made a salsa from a recipe I found online and grated some cheese. I told Zoey all about my worries about Sean’s morale.

“He sounds kind of depressed. Has he been seeing his therapist?” Zoey asked.

“He goes to see Dr. Deerhorn when he’s in town but I don’t think that’s enough for Sean, to be honest. But I don’t really know how to fix that aside from suggesting conference calling Dr. Deerhorn while he’s not here or just telling Karen that he needs to be able to come back to see his therapist regularly.”

“I have a feeling neither of those options would go over well.”

“I agree.” I said with a sigh.

“How much longer will he be on tour for?” Zoey asked.

“It’s supposed to finish up in December.”

“Ouch.”

“Tell me about it.”

We sat down for dinner and I got to know Wesley better. I don’t think I’ve ever mentioned this, but listening to Wesley talk is something I could do for hours. Not only does he talk about things with an endearing passion, but his Australian accent is quite possibly the sexiest thing to ever grace me with its presence. He’s recently been trying to teach Zoey how to surf, which is admittedly not going well since we don’t live anywhere near an ocean but they’ve been thinking about taking a trip to Hawaii. He’s been getting more photography work which is good because Zoey has showed me some of his pictures in the past and it would be a shame if he got stuck only being a photographer’s lighting assistant. After we ate and cleaned everything up/put away the leftovers we headed out to the movies.

The movie we wanted to see was sold out so we stood and looked at the board with all the movie options on it to decide when I got a phone call from Sean.

“Hey, you,” I said while slipping away from Zoey and Wesley as they discussed which movie they wanted to see, “How’s everything going?”

“It could be going better, honestly.”

“Oh, that doesn’t sound good.”

“Yeah, well”- Just then Sean yelled at some people making noise in the background and he sounded so angry. I actually jumped from fear when I heard him; he’s never sounded like that before.

“Sean what is going on?”

“I have no privacy Faith! I just want to be able to call you and actually hear what you’re saying but I can’t because after the show everyone gets so rowdy and loud.”

Just then Wesley came over.

“Hey Faith, are you okay with seeing Thor?”

“Who is that!?” Sean asked.

“Um, yeah,” I said to Wesley before focusing my attention back to Sean.

“Are you on a date with someone?”

“What!? No! Sean, you’re being ridiculous. I’m here with Zoey and Wesley. We’re seeing a movie.”

“Oh.”

“What has come over you?” I asked while Zoey slipped me a ticket and then motioned that she and Wesley were going to the snack counter.

“I’m sorry. I’m just stressed. I’ve been snapping at everyone lately. You enjoy your movie. I’m going to see if Jake will let me use his computer to watch something on Netflix.”

“Okay. You know you could also use his computer to shop for a new one. That might cheer you up a bit.” I said trying to lighten the mood.

“Yeah, you’re right. That will make me happy. It’s actually kind of a good thing that Roy sat on my laptop, I’ve been meaning to get a new one anyway.”

“Okay, well send me an e-mail if you find one you like. You can have it mailed to my apartment or I can go pick it up at wherever you order it from and it’ll be here when you come home next.”

“Okay. I love you! Bye!”

I wandered over to the snack counter line to stand with Zoey.

“Wesley went to go save our seats. What’s up?” She asked.

“Sean’s acting really weird. He accused me of being on a date with someone when he heard Wesley ask me about the movie.”

“What?” Zoey gave me the most confused look I’ve ever seen.

“I know! He apologized once I told him that it was Wesley but it was weird. He’s been under a lot of stress, though, so I don’t really know what to make of it. He seemed like he was already in a bad mood when he called me so I think that might have been part of it.”

“He shouldn’t be taking it out on you, though.”

“It sounds like he’s taking it out on everybody,” I said, “He yelled at some crew members while we were on the phone and he sounded irate. He’s never been that angry in front of me before. I suggested he shop online for a new computer to get him in a good mood and he seemed a little picked up by that, so I’m sure he was just having a hard time.”

“Okay,” Zoey said hesitantly, “Do you want popcorn?”

“Like you even needed to ask that question.”

Not so Great Good-Bye

I couldn’t wait to get back to Sean’s apartment to let him know how things went. A weight had been lifted on my shoulders and I was sure Sean would feel relieved, too, even though he’s been trying really hard to hide his anxiety from me. I walked into his apartment as light as air and fueled by happiness. He was in his bedroom getting ready to go to a gig.

“Hey!” I said swooping in to give him a hug from behind.

“Hey.” He said turning around and kissing my forehead, “How’d it go?”

“Better than expected. You don’t have to worry about anything anymore.”

Sean pulled away from me with a look of confusion on his face, “What does that mean?”

“Kevin is going to drop the charges he’s pressing against you.”

Sean’s eyes closed slowly before muttering a few obscenities.

“It’s okay, Sean. I know how worried you were about affording lawyer’s fees and going to jail. I know, we don’t have to keep pretending everything is fine anymore, because everything is fine. I fixed it.”

Sean scoffed and crossed his arms which wiped the hopeful smile off my face.

“And what was the deal, Faith?”

“I dropped the charges.”

“Of course you did.” Sean sneered.

I backed away from Sean and blinked. I couldn’t believe how upset he was about this.

“There was no way he was going to go to jail, Sean. I got the best deal I could.” I reached for the contract from my purse to show Sean but he walked by me and into the living room without a care.

“Don’t walk away from me, Sean! I don’t understand why you’re acting like this.” I said following him.

“You want to know why I’m pissed, Faith?” He spun around and shouted, “FINE. You let everyone treat you like a damn doormat and I’m sick of it! Kevin. Gerry. Elise. Everyone takes advantage of you and you just let them. Gerry- unpunished. Kevin- unpunished twice. Elise- unpunished more times than I can count. I pulled that asshole off of you in the nick of time and you just let him walk. Excuse me if I’m just a little disgusted by it.”

I was frozen in the door frame of Sean’s bedroom trying to make sense of what he was saying as he shouted at me. I kept shaking my head because his anger was so unexpected.

“But…th-this morning. You were going to ask me to get him to drop the charges against you, I knew you were going to say it but backed out at the last minute. I thought you c-couldn’t bring yourself to ask me.”

Sean made an exasperated sound.

“No I wasn’t! I was going to say the exact opposite. That I didn’t want you to drop the charges just for me!”

“Sean, you have to understand that this was the best deal for everyone.”

“Except you. It was certainly the best deal for him, though. I got somewhere to be.” He said grabbing his jacket and guitar from the hallway closet and heading towards the door.

“Sean, please don’t go. We need to talk about this.” I said putting my hand on his shoulder to stop him.

He turned around, his eyes were extremely angry.

“I don’t really want to do that right now. I have to go…and I don’t want to see you again tonight.”

“Are…are you kicking me out of your apartment?” I asked, utterly shocked at how quickly things had gone downhill.

“No. I’m telling you I’m not coming back here tonight and I’m not sure when I will be back. I don’t want to you to call my phone obsessively like you did before.”

I was stung by that last comment and the dam of emotions that had been building inside me finally spilled out in righteous anger.

“No. No, you know what Sean? I’ll save Lou or Guy’s couch from your bad attitude and determination to be a martyr. I’m leaving. I’ll be gone before you get home.”

Sean slammed the door without even acknowledging what I just said but I was so angry that I couldn’t muster a good response. The gravity of what we said to each other rushed over me but I shook the feelings of pity off and called Zoey.

“I need you to come get me. I’m leaving but I’m not ready to go back to my apartment, yet.”

“Oh, okay. I’m on my way.” Zoey sounded distracted and wasn’t pressing for information on why I was leaving and then I felt bad.

“You’re with Wesley, aren’t you?” I sighed.

“Yeah, but it’s not a big deal. We’re on our way.” Zoey hung up before I had the sense to ask her what she meant by “We’re” but I was too upset to care at that point and angrily began collecting my things.

Once I was packed for what seemed like the millionth time since my apartment was broken into, Zoey arrived with Wesley. They helped me load up her car with all of my stuff and Murphy and then repeated the whole routine once we got to her place. I thanked both of them before locking myself and Murphy in her spare bedroom and collapsing into a sobbing mess on the bed. It’s been three days and Sean hasn’t attempted to call me since he stormed out. I haven’t called him, either.

NBD

Molly picked me up for Zoey’s surprise party as I was getting ready. Sean was running late and was going to have to meet me at the pub since Anna needed him to do some heavy lifting of chairs and tables unexpectedly (Theo was on call and was called in so he couldn’t do it).

“What happened to your arm?” Molly asked when I came out in my dress.

“Oh...uh...I’m not sure. I must have run into a door or something.” I said.

I threw on a black cardigan so Sean wouldn’t see the bruise Gerry had left and we left. We picked up the cake, a giant balloon, and a few extra things that Anna realized she needed once she got to the pub and we got there with about 30 minutes to spare. I introduced Molly to Anna and to Sean, again, and we got to work spreading tablecloths and hanging streamers while people started trickling in. Anna had invited a bunch of people from her and Zoey’s work, Sean’s bandmates came and offered to play a few songs (Guy had brought an acoustic guitar and the pub had a piano) and hang out. Finally Anna got the warning text from Wesley that they were going to be there in a few minutes and we all put on party hats and found hiding places. Sean and I were in a corner behind a bundle of balloons.

“You look really great tonight” he said going in for a kiss.

“Thanks” I said. I started laughing because he was tickling me and we were shushed.

“You’re going to get me in trouble,” I whispered when he continued to kiss me.

“I like bad girls,” he laughed.

We heard Zoey’s voice walking towards the back room and got ready to surprise her.

“Wesley, what’s-”

“SURPRISE!!!!!”

I’m pretty sure Zoey had a heart attack but once she was composed she looked very happy.

“Did you know about this?” She asked Wesley.

“Yeah, Anna, asked me to be the decoy, but it was her idea.”

Zoey kissed him and then gave Anna a hug before coming over and giving me a hug, too. She started mingling and Anna came over while Sean was across the room talking to Jake.

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. I’m glad she’s enjoying this.”

“Elise still hasn’t shown up. She said she would be here by now. Do you think she’s okay, Faith?”

“I’m sure she’s fine.” I said, “Should we bring the cake out, now? I can have Guy play happy birthday.”

“Yeah, that’s a good idea.”

Zoey’s cake was a red velvet cake with cream cheese frosting and we lit the candles. Guy led us all in “Happy Birthday” while Zoey made her birthday wish and then Wesley pulled her aside and they were being very cuddly with each other. Her cake was delicious but I’m glad Molly brought a fruit plate to make everyone feel like they weren’t pigging out completely. I introduced Zoey to Molly after awhile and as they were talking Elise arrived quietly as almost everyone else had left. I saw her make a bee-line for Wesley and watched. I don’t know what they were talking about but she brushed his hair away and started giggling and touching his chest playfully. Wesley looked awkward. I wasn’t the only one watching Elise, Anna was too and she looked terrified and angry at the same time. After Elise went in to whisper something to Wesley, I couldn’t take it anymore and went over there.

“Hi Wesley, could you excuse us?” I said directing Elise towards the exit without even waiting for his response.

“Faith, get the hell off of me!” She said once I’d dragged her halfway down the hallway. Anna, can you do something please?” Anna had followed us.

“Faith let go of her. Please.” Anna said pleading with me.

“Leave.” I said to Elise, “Go. Zoey doesn’t need to see you flirting with her boyfriend for a birthday present. Just get out of here.”

I stood in the way of the party’s entrance while Elise looked at Anna with expectant eyes.

“Anna invited me here, you’re not the boss of me, get out of my way. I’m going back to the party. Zoey doesn’t even know I’m here.” Elise tried to get by me several times but I blocked her.

“I’m not playing this game anymore Elise, you can try to rip my boyfriend’s pants off but I’m not going to stand here and watch you break Zoey’s heart simply because you’re lonely and jealous.”

Elise snorted in disgust.

“Zoey is fat, Faith. She doesn’t deserve someone as hot as Wesley. He just feels bad for her, especially since he knows he could have every man’s dream in me. I’m hot and Zoey is an overweight plain Jane with a boring job. Every man wants to date a model and Wesley is no exception. It’s only a matter of time until he steps out on her with someone else and I intend to be that someone else. What Zoey doesn’t know won’t hurt her.”

“Oh, please, Elise. I know,” I turned around and Zoey was walking towards the three of us, “Did you really think Wesley wouldn’t tell me about you flirting with him?”

Elise was pale and her face was etched with shock and fear.

“You can go…It’s not necessary that you continue pretending to be my friend. And for the record: Wesley thinks you’re a vapid brat, he couldn’t be less interested in you.” And with that Zoey tossed Elise’s purse and jacket to her, turned on her heel, and walked back to the party but she stopped a few steps down, turned to Elise and said, “Oh, and he loves my fat ass.”

Anna and I followed, leaving Elise disgraced in the hallway. When we got back to the near-empty party room Zoey looked at us.

“You’re mad, aren’t you?” Anna asked, “This is exactly why I didn’t want to say anything…”

“Anna, it’s fine. I’m not mad. I’ve known about Elise’s problems a lot longer than you have. She’s been hitting on Wesley since before e asked me out. He told me on our first date. I‘m not mad…at you two. But Wesley and I have to go; he left my birthday gift at his house. Thank you for the party, it was lovely, and Faith, can you give Molly my phone number? We made plans to do something next week and I forgot to give it to her.”

“Sure.” I said giving her a good-bye hug. I was a bit dazed.

“I did not expect her to be so…calm,” Anna said watching her and Wesley leave.

“Me either.”

“You ready to go?” Sean asked. He had come up behind me and was waving good-bye to Wesley, “Anna, Molly has offered to give you a ride home since Theo had to leave.”

“Oh, that’s…so nice of her. I’ll go get my coat.”

“What happened?” Sean asked once Anna left us.

“Zoey’s known about Elise the whole time. Wesley told her everything at the very beginning. Anna and I have been freaking out over nothing.” I said still dazed.

“Well…Elise did try to have sex with me, Sean said, so you weren’t freaking out over nothing.”

“Touché.” I said.

Molly offered to give Sean and I a ride home, too and as we were walking to her car Sean put his arm around me.

“Ow!” He had touched my bruise.

“Are you okay? What did I do?”

“I-I’m fine. I just ran into an open kitchen counter and banged my arm up the other day.”

Molly gave me a questioning look as I got into the car. Looks like I’m busted.

Chicken

I finally met Wesley! He’s GORGEOUS. I completely understand what Zoey was saying about his looks. He has beachy, wavy blonde hair, shocking blue eyes and a really nice body (from what I could tell under his fitted shirt). The greatest thing about Wesley is how he looks at Zoey, though. He really does only have eyes for her when they’re together. We did the basic dinner and a movie double date except that I used Sean to do me a favor and invite Wesley to Zoey’s surprise party while they waited in the concession line at the movie (Zoey and I were getting seats in the theatre). So Wesley knows and not only that but Sean told me that he wanted to help us set it up, so that gained him about a million bonus points from me.

At dinner we made small talk about our jobs and the food and it was a really pleasant date. Zoey and I went to the bathroom about halfway through dinner to discuss how things were going.

“So, what do you think of him?” She asked.

“He’s great, Zoey. I’m glad you’re with someone so nice and genuine. I can tell he really likes you.”

Zoey smiled and then gave me a sideways look and a knowing smirk.

“And how are you? And Sean? With…it?”

“Um….we haven’t stopped having sex for a week, basically.”

“So he’s finally able to-”

“Yeah….and it’s amazing. It is, by far, some of the best sex I’ve ever had.”

This is true. Sean and I have been having the best sex ever and we’ve been doing it almost constantly. In his apartment, in my apartment, in our hallways, in our kitchens, against doors and walls, you name it, we’ve probably had sex on it by this point.

“I thought you looked more sexed up since I last saw you. Which, by the way, I’m sorry I’ve been so M.I.A, you know how it is when you start dating someone.”

“Don’t worry about it; I know you would have made time for me if I really needed you. And I kind of did the same thing once I started dating Sean, anyway. I get it.”

Zoey suddenly gave me a hug.

“What was that for?”

“I’m just really happy with…everything….lately. I’ve felt like a completely different person since I met Wesley. I feel happier.”

Zoey was beaming but the feeling of guilt that had crashed over me was eating me from the inside out.

“Zoey, I need to tell you something.” I said looking at the sink.

“Okay.”

I opened my mouth to speak and my voice caught in my throat.

“I-I’m so happy for you. Wesley is just great.”

My shoulders drooped at the lie but Zoey didn’t notice, she continued to talk about Wesley and how much she enjoyed being around him and I just didn’t have the heart to tell her. We left the bathroom shortly thereafter and Sean could tell something was up but he waited until the four of us said our good-byes for the night to ask me about it.

“Did you and Zoey get into a fight or something?”

“No. I tried to tell her about Elise hitting on Wesley but I chickened out. She was talking about how happy she was…I just couldn’t be responsible for destroying her happiness like that. I’m a horrible friend.” I said quietly.

“Faith, stop beating yourself up. This situation with Elise is really complicated and it’s not fair that you’re the only one who’s trying to work through it. Unlike Anna, you’re refusing to deny there’s a problem.”

“Anna isn’t a bad person, Sean, she’s just an optimist…to a fault. She wants to believe that Elise is the same person she was a year ago and she’s just not. I just wish I knew why she’s changed so much.”

“Sometimes there isn’t an explanation, Faith. And more often than not, we never get one.”

Sean pulled me in for a hug and I silently nodded.

Surprise for Sean

Sean sent me text after a gig the other night and it was just a really sweet gesture:

I was thinking about you a lot today. Hope work wasn’t too hectic. Sleep well and make sure to have lots of dirty dreams about me, because I know I’ll be doing the same…only with you…not me...that would just be weird. –S

I laughed and looked down at Murphy who mewed at the noise and was lazily moving his tail up and down in the rhythm of my hand strokes on top of his head. I smiled at him and thought about how sick he was just a few months ago and how much healthier he was now. It was a rare moment to have Murphy content like this, usually when we’re alone he’s so full of energy and dying for attention that I have to throw a cat nip mouse up my hallway so he’ll chase it and get tuckered out at an appropriate time. I’ve noticed that if at night Murphy will yowl around my apartment for hours. I think the yowling at night has something to do with his past. Since he only does at night, I think Murphy is afraid of the dark. It kind of makes sense…he was found inside a wet bag on the edge of creek after being stuck inside it for days, it was probably really dark inside of it, I wouldn’t be surprised if Murphy doesn’t like the dark because of his past but also because he doesn’t know that the darkness will eventually end, he probably yowls all night because he doesn’t know if the light will ever come back…you guys, my cat is afraid of the dark…my poor little guy. I know I sound like a pet psychologist but I think I’m on to something.

Normally, I like to sleep with my bedroom door closed and after I brought him home Murphy would sleep at the top of his kitty castle in the corner of my living room (he was so out of it on those medicines that he was asleep all the time, so I never noticed this behavior before). It wasn’t until recently that he started doing the night yowling and I was really worried about him so I let him sleep with me, but I was worried about keeping my door closed at night with him stuck in my bedroom with no access to food, water, or his kitty box, so once he stopped yowling (after sleeping my bedroom, specifically, on my head, for a few nights) I thought he’d be fine to go back to his kitty castle again. Well…that did just not fly with Murphy. To make a long story short, Murphy now sleeps with me at night (and I keep my door closed, he seems to be fine during the night so I guess my worry wasn’t necessary) and to make sure he sleeps well I’ve been exercising him so he’s tired by the time I’m ready to sleep. I’ve been trying this for about a week and he hasn’t roamed around the house meowing all night since then. It’s weird though, when Sean is here Murphy is always really mellowed out.

Anyway I was stroking Murphy and he was purring, which was his signal for bed time and I got an idea about Sean’s text message. I picked Murphy up and gently placed him on my pillow while I went to shower. After about thirty minutes, I had packed a small overnight bag, got dressed (which is a major overstatement), wrapped myself in a black mini trench coat, grabbed my keys, and headed out the door.

“What are you doing here? Is something wrong? It’s nearly three in the morning? Is Anna okay? Did she have another-“

“Everything’s fine.” I said. Sean was standing at his door with gray pajama bottoms on, his hair a tousled mess. He was rubbing sleep out of his eyes.

I was standing in his hallway and leaned against the wall while I untied my trench coat’s belt. When I opened the jacket, Sean wasn’t as sleepy as before.

I had worn the naughtiest pieces of lingerie I owned; a black and red lace corset top that was completely sheer with black thigh-high stockings, a nearly invisible thong, and black pumps.

Sean’s mouth hit the floor.

“Still sleepy?” I asked.

Sean looked up and down his hallway before walking from his apartment, throwing me over his shoulder, and hurrying to his bedroom. I really thought that if I surprised Sean (which seems to turn him on, from what I’ve observed) we might actually be able to have sex, unaided, and without an embarrassing experience for him and the truth is…we almost did.

Sean was pretty ready to go by the time he got my top off and we both looked down and then at each other when we realized what exactly was going on. I could tell that Sean seemed kind of relieved by the fact that we hadn’t hit a stumbling block yet and, of course, exceptionally happy about it. He was really interested in kissing me at that moment (out of happiness more than sexual passion, I think) and I took the opportunity to slip my hands down to his pajamas and in between the waistband, he was definitely prepared. Things started moving along at a faster pace than before and I couldn’t believe that we actually started having real sex, not oral, but real sex. It was short-lived though, Sean lost it and after 15 minutes of me vigorously trying to get things back on track, it was pretty clear that things would not be headed in that direction for the rest of the night.

If I’m being honest, I kind of just wanted to pout and be disappointed and whine and bang my fists against the bed while I threw a tantrum but I quickly realized how terrible that would make Sean feel and how ridiculous of a reaction it would be, so I settled for laying down and cuddling with Sean (who needed a few minutes to process what had just happened and overcome the humiliation).

“We have a date with Anna and Theo on Saturday,” I said to try and take Sean’s thoughts off of what happened, “We’re going to meet for dinner at a place Anna is going to choose and then go watch the band play.”

“Awesome, how is Anna?”

I had hit a moral dilemma…Anna asked me not to talk to anyone about what she’d told me but Sean is my boyfriend (who I’m in love with) and I debated whether or not I should tell him just to get everything off of my chest.

“Well….”

“Girl problems?” He asked raising his eyebrows and running his fingers down my arm which made me shiver in a good way.

“Yeah. She caught Elise hitting on Zoey’s boyfriend, like out right hitting on Zoey’s boyfriend.”

“Did Elise know-“

“That Zoey was dating him? Oh yeah.”

“Damn.”

“Right!?”

“What’s that all about?”

“I have no idea, Anna has forbidden me from telling anyone.”

“But…you just told me.”

“Yeah but you’re my boyfriend. I’m sure Anna tells Theo things that Zoey and I ask her to keep to herself. Besides, it’s not like you are ever going to bring it up to Zoey, Anna, or Elise, right?”

“Of course not. But….” Sean trailed off.

“What?” I asked.

“Nothing.”

“No, what were you going to say?”

“It’s not a big deal…but Theo and Anna are married.”

“So?”

“I just kind of liked the fact that you compared us to them.”

“Why?” I asked turning to look up at him.

“Cause Anna seems really happy, or at least she did when I met her. She seems like she’s in a really strong marriage and now she’s about to have a kid…she just seems like she’s happy all the time and has everything she wants even if it’s not completely perfect. I like Anna and Theo.”

“You’ve never even met Theo.” I said laughing.

Sean intertwined his fingers with mine and looked into my eyes.

“Yeah, but someone who makes the person they’re in a relationship with as happy as Anna is…well, they just seem like they’ve got to be a great person, too. Do you see the way she looks when she talks about him?”

I was momentarily surprised at how perceptive Sean was in regards to the people around him and how lucky I truly was to be with him.

“Yeah, I have,” I said, “She looks the same way Zoey does when she talks about Wesley.”

“Maybe Elise just feels jealous…”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, you, Anna, and Zoey are all in relationships, right? Maybe she just feels like she can’t relate to you guys because she’s the only one who isn’t in one. I mean…since we started dating you spend most of your free time with me, maybe she just feels like she’s being forgotten about and flirting with Zoey’s boyfriend was a way for her to make herself feel better.”

I was shocked at how insightful Sean was being and I think he definitely had a point. I really haven’t hung out with Elise very much since Sean and I have been together so I’ve made a mental note to call her and really focus on what’s been going on in her life right now.

Thanks to the overnight bag I had brought with me, I didn’t have to leave in the middle of the night. We settled into bed and before we drifted off Sean said:

“This is really nice; you should stay over here more often.”

And then I went to sleep.

The Secret Keeper

I called Anna last night to catch up (she’s been really sick with morning sickness, hence the lack of Anna updates) and talk about going on a double-date with Sean and I.

“Do you think you’ll feel well enough to go? I don’t want you to be miserable to whole time.” I said.

“I think I’ll be okay. It’s only a few foods that can trigger the vomiting now. If we avoid going to a seafood restaurant I think it should be okay. When did you want to do this?”

“How about this weekend? We could go to dinner and then see Sean’s band, if you guys are up for that.”

“That sounds like fun. I’ll tell Theo not to make any plans and start looking for some restaurants in the area, if that’s okay with you.”

“Yeah, that’s fine, we’ll go wherever you can go, you’re the one with food restrictions, so it’s only appropriate.”

Anna and I caught up about all sorts of things that have happened since we last spoke. Everything was fine until she brought up Elise.

“You know…I don’t think she really likes us that much.”

“Why?” I asked.

“Well…when was the last time you talked to her?”

“Last week,” I said (I really had to think about it), “But now that I think about it, she was pretty distant…I don’t even know what’s going on with her anymore.”

“Faith…I have to tell you something…but you can’t tell anyone.”

I was caught off guard by the sudden change of subject momentarily, but encouraged Anna to continue.

“Elise has basically stopped talking to me.”

“What? Why?”

“I saw her doing something she shouldn’t have and I brought it to her attention.”

I was shocked. Anna is the kind of person that usually goes to great lengths to avoid confrontation, it was incredibly out of character for her to do something like that.

“Well, what exactly did she do, Anna?”

“You can’t tell Elise that I mentioned it or she’ll be even more angry at me.” She said imploringly.

“Okay.”

“And you really can’t tell Zoey. She doesn’t know…”

“Okay…” I said, more slowly.

“Zoey was called away on another photo shoot about a week ago because the other creative director for the magazine had an allergic reaction to a bee sting and had to be rushed to the ER. Zoey’s shoot was almost done, so I offered to step in, since I used to creatively direct photo shoots before I came at the magazine, right.”

“Right.” I nodded to myself, trying to follow her story.

“When Zoey left, I noticed that Elise was outright flirting with Wesley.”

Dread washed over me like a bucket of ice water and I swallowed hard. This was not good.

“Did…did Wesley respond?”

“He didn’t condemn her behavior, if that’s what you’re asking. The thing is, I know Wesley fairly well as a co-worker, I mean I am responsible for hiring him (I forgot to mention that Anna recently got promoted, instead of just selecting the clothing the magazine chooses to feature, she’s also responsible for putting together photo shoot teams and hiring the people needed to fill those positions) and he chooses to keep things really professional. When Zoey told me that he had asked her out, I was floored because he usually doesn’t mix his work with his personal life, from what I can tell.”

“What does that even mean Anna?”

“Elise was basically throwing herself at Wesley, Faith, and he was enjoying it enough to not bother to reject her.”

“Maybe Elise didn’t know Zoey was dating him when this happened…they haven't been together all that long...”

“Oh she knew. When I pulled her aside at the end of the shoot to ask her about it she gave me a really bitchy answer and basically refused to acknowledge that she was flirting at all.”

“What did she say?”

“It doesn’t matter, the fact is that she knew Zoey was dating Wesley and, frankly, that seems to be the only reason, to me, that Elise is even interested in him. She’d never noticed him before last week.”

I was floored. Elise always seemed to go after questionable guys and she definitely expresses her attraction to men more freely than most people, but to go after her friend’s boyfriend just seems like a really low thing to do.

“Faith?”

“Yeah?”

“You’re not going to tell Zoey are you?”

“No, but if this comes to a head and Zoey finds out that we know about it, she’s going to be extremely hurt and upset.”

“I know. I’m sorry, I know you and Zoey talk a lot, but I just needed to tell someone!”

“I understand.” I said glumly.

Both of us were in pretty low moods by that point and we decided to say good-bye for the night. I don’t even know how to feel about Elise’s behavior at this point. There’s no doubt that Elise and I have grown apart but how could she have changed so much?

My Therapist

Zoey and I had decided to go to dinner after work and she was really excited to tell me about how her date with Wesley went.

“He really liked taking pictures of me,” she said, “I thought he’d enjoy taking pictures of the flowers more. But when he showed me the pictures when we got back…I was in a lot of them”

“Awwww….you sound like that bothers you.” I said.

“Well…it doesn’t bother me…I asked him about it and he didn’t seem to notice I was in a lot of them until after I mentioned it.”

“So?” I asked, “I think it’s cute…it means he’s thinking about you even when he doesn’t realize it. Just enjoy his attention Zoey. Why are you trying to find the negatives?”

“You’re right. I guess I just still can’t believe that he’s attracted to me.”

“If you ask me it seems like he’s more than just attracted.”

“Good thing I didn’t ask you,” Zoey said, blushing, “How are you and Sean doing?”

I groaned a little over my plate of pasta.

“Come on…spill.”

“I’m in love with him.” I said stabbing a mushroom.

Zoey started laughing at me. I glared at her.

“Why are you upset about that!?”

“Because Sean doesn’t know. And I don’t want to tell him because I don’t know how it will affect his…problem.”

“I see.” Zoey raised her eyebrows and put her fork down, “Do you think he’s close to saying it back to you?”

“Honestly….I have no idea. We’ve had to work through so many problems that I have no clue how he feels about me….other than the fact that he at least likes me…I mean…he is my boyfriend.”

“What are you worried will happen if you tell him, though?”

“Well…the usual things, like if he’ll say it back to me. But then there’s this whole other issue with him in the bedroom that I’m worried about. He’s seeing someone now to help him and I feel like if I say it it’s going to put too much pressure on him to either say it back or make progress with his therapist. Or it might make him regress and I don’t want to be responsible for that. He might stop going altogether.”

“Or…he could say it back.” Zoey smiled.

“Yeah…but if he doesn’t it could do some major damage. I can wait until he says it.”

“Then why are you so miserable about it?”

“Because I want to tell him but I just shouldn’t, it goes against my better judgment.”

“Okay, then. What if you accidentally say it?”

“That’s why I’m stressed out over it.”

“Uh-huh. Well. I think you should tell him, but that’s just me.”

I signaled the waiter over for our check as Zoey’s words sunk in. She was right. I should tell Sean but it could put a huge strain on things and we’ve just gotten to a good place with Sean’s issues, I don’t want to ruin anything.

“You know, Sean wanted me to ask Theo and Anna to go on a double date with us some time. We should do that with you and Wesley too. It would be fun.” I said changing the subject.

“I’ll ask him about it.” She said reaching for her purse, “He’ll probably be up for it since you’re the only friend of mine he hasn’t met.”

I gave Zoey a look somewhere between hurt and shocked.

“What? Anna works at the magazine with me and Elise has done shoots with him. You had to have known that Faith. It’s not like I was purposely trying to stop you from meeting him or anything.”

“I know…but now I feel all left out.” I said giving Zoey the puppy eyes.

“Oh, please. You’re going to meet him, okay? I’ll make sure we schedule a double date for next week.”

I smiled and we started talking about the possibility of grabbing some ice cream once dinner was paid for.

Dubya

When Sean came back from his meeting with Gerry I helped him clean up his apartment and find a new coffee table online before I went home to shower and feed Murphy. We made plans to do something tomorrow and Sean seemed to be in a really good mood. I know it sounds kind of cliché but I was happy this morning. I mean really happy. As I thought about the conversation I had with Zoey and everything that happened with Sean, I couldn’t help but feel like Sean and I are now in a new phase of our relationship; like we’ve taken it to the next level.

I called Zoey after Murphy’s needs had been met so I could make up for our girl-date and my subsequent freak out.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Zoey, what are you doing today?”

“I was going thinking about going grocery shopping.”

“Well, I would like to take you out to lunch. You name the place, money is no object.”

“Are you trying to buy my love?”

“That depends….is it working?”

“Kind of. Can we go wherever I want?”

“Naturally.”

“Okay. I’ll pick you up in an hour.”

“See you then.”

I clicked off the phone and went to go shower and get dressed. I had just put on a pair of jeans and a white spaghetti-strap shirt when Zoey rang my bell.

We ended up going to a pretty fancy café that Zoey had read about in a local magazine. They had fresh fruit platters, French cuisine, various sandwiches and pasta dishes, it was so hard to choose.

I ordered us some garlic rubbed bruschetta and a nice bottle of wine to start us off as we looked over the menu.

“Wow you’re really pulling out the stops,” Zoey said looking at me over her menu.

“I feel really bad about ignoring you the way I did. It was selfish. I just thought I’d take you out so you could tell me about your date with Wesley. I owed you, at least, food for acting like that.”

“It’s fine, Faith. And actually…we’ve gone out twice since our first date.”

“Well,” I said moving my eyebrows up and down, “have you guys…?”

“Not yet, but it’s definitely headed in that direction.”

“Is he absolutely marvelous?”

“Yeah.”

Just then the waiter came over to take our orders. Zoey ordered a bowl of French onion soup with homemade parmesan croutons, a warmed side salad with a raspberry vinaigrette, and half of an arugula and roast beef sandwich on crusty artisan bread. I ordered the French onion soup and croutons as well, a regular sized roast chicken sandwich with arugula and provincial spices on squishy parmesan dusted bread. For dessert I ordered us a fruit plate with fresh strawberries, melons, oranges, and grapes.

“You didn’t have to do that Faith.”

“Seriously, it’s fine. Don’t worry about it. What did you and Wesley do on your date?”

“He took me to the aquarium.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, he noticed the sea turtle paper weight I have on my desk and the sea turtle charm on a charm bracelet I wear sometimes, so he thought I’d like it since they just opened their sea turtle exhibit. We had a blast. He bought me one of those ridiculous foam hats in the shape of different animals. Mine was a sea turtle and he got a polar bear. Then he took me out to dinner at a nearby McDonald’s.”

“McDonald’s?”

“Yeah. I had a great time. We were going to go to a different place but we were too hungry to make the trip. It was nice.”

“Well it obviously went well or else you wouldn’t have gone out on a date with him.”

“It did. We kissed on our first date. It was nice.”

“Awwww!”

Our food came while Zoey blushed and it was AMAZING. We will definitely be going there again, the prices weren’t even that bad because it was their lunch menu. Holy crap I think I might have a sex dream focusing on the food we ordered, it was that good!

“So what about your other dates with him?”

“We did the normal dinner and a movie thing on our most recent, but on our second date we went bike riding around the lake and had a picnic. We’re supposed to go out tomorrow and I’m the one who planned it. I think he’ll really like it.”

“What are you planning for him?”

“I’m going to take him to the huge flower garden just outside the city and ask him to bring his camera. I think he’ll like taking pictures of the different flowers and landscapes.”

“Wow, that’s going to be so much fun, I wish I could go,” I joked.

“Wesley’s…different Faith. I don’t think I’ve ever been so happy and comfortable with someone this early on in our relationship. When he looks at me, I feel like I’m the only person he ever wants to look at, like I’m the only woman that exists for him. When he kisses me it’s so soft and gentle…he respects me a lot more than…”

Zoey got quiet then, thinking about her last serious relationship (and also the last person she had sex with) with Sean a personal trainer (not my Sean) who cheated on her with one of his clients. None of us really liked him that much but Anna, Elise, and I decided to not say anything because Zoey was so happy with him. It wasn’t until he started hitting on Elise that Zoey realized what a slime ball he was and cut him out of her life. She’s gone on dates since they broke up (two and a half years ago) but nothing stuck. They were pretty serious too, they dated for over a year. I watched Zoey as she receded into her thoughts and realized why she was having such a hard time believing Wesley was into her. Sean was a personal trainer and he was hot, but he also knew it and took advantage of it by cheating on Zoey every chance he got. I can only imagine the things he said to her to make her feel so unworthy of love. None of us really know what happened between Zoey and Sean the night they broke up, she’s never talked about it and we never pushed the issue. She went into a trance for weeks after they broke up and then one day she just snapped out of it. The three of us were so thankful to have Zoey back that we didn’t want to ask her about it. It was so rare for Zoey to even mention Sean.

“Hey…Wesley’s not like him.”

“I know.” Zoey smiled at me as I touched her hand.

We moved on to other topics while we finished our lunch. The fruit plate I ordered was absolutely gorgeous, there were perfect balls of melon, the strawberries were cut to look like swans, and the oranges and grapes were arranged to look like flowers. It was almost too pretty to eat.

Zoey and I decided to do some light shoe shopping before parting ways, but not before I noticed Zoey get a text.

Her face lit up before she blushed and smiled. She tapped out a text on her phone’s keyboard and pressed send. I didn’t need to ask who it was, it was clearly Wesley. She had the same look on her face when she talked about him during lunch.

Spilled the Beans

“Faith…are you even listening to me?”

“That sounds great,” I replied.

The rough jab in the ribs got my attention.

“OW! What was that for?”

“I warned you, but you weren’t listening…like you haven’t been listening for the past 20 minutes.”

Zoey’s eyes were looking at me frustrated.

I sighed, “I’m sorry Zoey….I’m being a terrible friend.”

“Look, do you want to hear about my date with Wesley or should I save it for another time?”

“I want to,” I said nodding, “I’m just doing a poor job of focusing.”

Zoey looked down at her feet, I could tell her feelings were hurt, which made me feel even worse.

“Faith, this is the first date I’ve been on in a long time that wasn’t a complete disaster. You could at least pretend to care after harping on my pathetic sex life for the past month.”

The guilt started pouring out of me and I couldn’t control the sobs that came rushing out. Zoey’s eyes got wide as she rushed me out of the crowded bookstore’s café and into her car.

“I didn’t mean to…upset you so much.” Zoey watched me with confusion,

“What’s going on?”

I looked out the window with sudden embarrassment and tried to stop the tears pouring down my face.

“Nothing, I’m just a horrible co-worker, a horrible friend, and a horrible girlfriend.” I said, the sobs starting up again.

Zoey started her car and headed toward her apartment. She was silent for the majority of the drive, knowing that trying to talk to me right now wouldn’t accomplish anything. When we got into her apartment she made us some tea and we ended up sitting across from each other at her kitchen table.

“What’s the problem?” She asked coldly.

“I already told you,” I said getting defensive.

Zoey sighed and swirled the tea in her cup. She set it down with a loud thud and got up.

“Where are you going?” I asked.

“I’m going to Wesley’s. At least he pretends to want me around.” She spun on her heel and grabbed her keys which were sitting on a hallway table.

“Zoey, wait!” I heard her feet stop in the hallway, “I’m sorry. But….I promised I wouldn’t talk about it.”

I heard her throw the keys on the hallway table and start walking back to the dining room. She appeared and leaned on the empty door jamb.

“And the other stuff? The stuff you can talk about?”

“I’m sorry I wasn’t listening to you. You were excited to tell me about your date and I just didn’t listen because I was being selfish…wrapped up with my own stuff. I know how big of a deal it is that you went on a date…I’m sorry I didn’t react the way I should have.”

Zoey cocked her head and gave me an urging look.

“I’m sorry I snapped at you, too. I just feel like I’m sucking at all of my relationships, lately.”

“Tell me.”

“Well, my brother is mad at me because he’s dating a 30-year-old divorcee and I can’t bring myself to like her, my co-workers from my old job are in bad shape and I didn’t bother to keep in touch because I wanted to cut everything about Kevin out of my life, and I ignore my friends and their feelings…so I’m just a terrible person all around.”

Zoey sat in her chair and picked up her cup of tea again.

“I’m assuming the thing you can’t talk about is yet another Sean problem.”
I didn’t like Zoey’s tone.

“I thought you liked him.” I said preparing for an argument.

“I do, but not at the cost of your happiness. Do you realize that you haven’t been happy since you guys started dating?”

I started to protest but quickly realized it was true. I really hadn’t been happy since we’d started dating…since before the Fourth of July, really. I shook my head.

“I think he’s worth it Zoey. He’s…special…to me.” I looked down, the tears threatened to come back.

“Oh, Faith…just tell me what it is.”

“Zoey, I promised. He’d never trust me again if he found out.”

“Why would I ever bring that up with your boyfriend?”

Zoey had a point but I was still haunted by the disastrous night Sean met all of my friends and all of the things they said by mistake.

“You’ve slipped up before with Sean.”

Zoey pursed her lips, “Fair enough. But I can’t help you if you don’t let me in. Maybe I should take you home.” Zoey went to get up to grab her keys.

“Sean can’t get it up.” The words came out of my mouth before I knew what I was doing. I buried my head in my hands out of shame.

Zoey froze in her chair.

“He was using drugs before we started dating but he didn’t want to use them anymore. He was too embarrassed to tell me, so he came up with the whole waiting thing. We tried…without drugs and nothing happened, he hasn’t called me since.” M voice was quiet.

“How old is Sean?”

“Late twenties.”

“Isn’t that kind of young…to be having that particular problem?”

“He told me he’s always been like this. Apparently it doesn’t work unless he’s in love with someone. Zoey…I worked on him for nearly an hour with absolutely no response. I’m contemplating bringing knee pads next time.” I smiled weakly at my joke, Zoey smiled too.

“That’s…” Zoey let out a whistle.

“I know.”

“He wouldn’t even look at me. I’ve tried calling him every day since then…he’s screening my calls. I don’t know what to do.”

“Well did you try to say anything to him after?”

“Of course but he cut me off. He didn’t want to hear it. I want to convince him to see a doctor, but I don’t think he’s going to be willing to do that.”

“Well, at least you know he doesn’t have a medical problem.”

“What?”

“You said he was using drugs, before, right?”

“Yeah.”

“You have to get those from a doctor. He’d have to get a prescription for it, so you know he’s already seen a doctor. He probably needs to see a different type of doctor, if you know what I mean.”

Zoey and I hung out at her place for awhile, but I was useless in helping the conversation while I was thinking about Sean. We settled on watching a mindless movie until Zoey insisted on driving me home to my lonely and hungry cat.

(Author's Note: There will be a post every day this week, including weekends, so be sure to come by often! Also this is the blog's 100th post [not counting author's notes])