Today was the twins’ birthday party! I can’t believe they are a year old already. It seems like this year has been such a whirlwind of a lot of bad stuff, but the twins’ birth was definitely a big, good thing that happened. I bought Weatherly a stuffed cat (it looks like Murphy) and I bought Andrew a stuffed panda, Zoey bought this set of blocks that you can play with in the bathtub and stick to the tile, and Molly made blankets for them.
I was helping Anna with the cake in the kitchen and she just looked so happy. I remember when she had her miscarriage and totally shut down and it’s like she’s a completely different person now. The birthday party was in the late afternoon so I had to leave early to get to work on time but I mingled before I left and update the girls on my job situation.
“Brad is pretty hot and he flirts with me but I think it’s just meaningless.” I said to Molly over fruit punch and chocolate cake.
“You should just have sex with him.” She said.
I nearly spit out my punch.
“Excuse me?”
“You totally should. You should just have a fling to finally get over all the bad. It’s a New Year, Faith, a clean slate. Bed that man.”
“You know, ever since you and Calvin stopped seeing each other you have been really, really horny.” I said with a smirk.
“Calvin was a GOD in bed, Faith, I can’t help that I miss his amazing pe-”
“What are you guys talking about?” Anna asked as she came around behind Molly.
“Calvin’s penis.” I said nonchalantly.
“Again?” Anna said flatly with an exasperated look to Molly.
“YOU DON’T KNOW MY LIFE.” Molly joked.
“Maybe you should sleep with Brad.” I said.
“Ooooh, who’s Brad?” Zoey said coming from behind me.
“A co-worker Faith has the hots for.” Molly said.
“I do not.” I said quickly, “We just flirt. For fun. It’s nothing. Really.”
“I told her she should sleep with him.”
“She should.” Zoey said.
I started choking on my punch at that one.
“What!? Anna, is this punch spiked? Am I drunk? Are all of you drunk?”
“It’s non-alcoholic. You should totally sleep with him. It’s exactly what you need to get over the terrible year you’ve had.” Anna replied.
“Yeah, a clean slate.” Zoey said, “Go for it.”
“I work with him. No. Plus, the flirting is meaningless. It’s not meant to be a thing.” I said.
They all nodded like they knew better and then shooed me of before I was late for work. Because of the party, I didn’t have time to change before work so I was wearing a pair of tight, flared jeans and a black flowy top that showed off the girls pretty nicely. My hair was dark and wavy and I was wearing a pair of black heels.
“Whoa. Looking good, Faith.” Cara said as I clocked in.
“Oh, thanks, I had a thing before this so-”
“Have Mercy.” Brad said as he came around the corner.
“Okay, Uncle Jesse. What is this? Full House?”
Cara started giggling and Brad went to the stockroom.
“You SO like him.” She giggled.
“I do not. It’s just harmless flirting.”
“Right.” Cara said and walked back to help Brad in the stock room.
I got a lot more tips than I normally do, probably because of what I was wearing, so I was in a really good mood. Brad and I were serving drinks and flirting back and forth while Cara giggled every time I said anything. We were busy tonight because of the weekend so Cara stayed until we closed. She was mopping behind the bar when I went to put some empty boxes in the store room. Brad came in with a bunch of crates from the kitchen and we were alone in the stock room with the door closed.
“You got a lot of tips tonight. You should buy me a drink.” He winked.
“Can I ask you a question?” I asked.
“Okay.” He said confused.
“The flirting is just…for fun, right?”
“What do you mean?” He crossed his arms and looked at me.
“I mean, that you’re just doing to have fun, you don’t actually mean anything by it, right?”
He cocked his head and smiled but didn’t say anything.
“Because if it’s not I don’t want to lead you on or anything.” I continued.
“Okay.” He said.
I nodded.
“Okay, then.” I said with finality.
I went to move a crate onto a shelf but because of my black pumps, I lost my footing and it slipped.
“Whoa!” Brad ran to catch the crate before it fell and broke whatever was inside it.
He caught it and slid it up onto the shelf from behind me. I could feel him behind me and when I turned around he smiled and put his arm against the shelf above my head. I could have walked away but I didn’t. My back and hands wear against a box on the shelf.
“I dare you.” He said and then smiled again.
I leaned in and kissed him. Hard. He put his hands on the small of my back and I had one on his chest with another on the back of his neck. I was pulling him into me and he was pushing me against the shelf pretty hard. He moved a hand into my hair and then moved his mouth to my neck. My hand made it to his hair while another somehow made it under his shirt (Brad doesn’t look like it, but he is RIPPED). I started unzipping his pants but then I snapped out of it and stopped everything like a huge spazz.
I pushed him and he backed away immediately.
“Oh God NO. NOT HERE! What am I DOING?” I had my hands both on my forehead and started pacing back and forth, “God, I am SUCH an IDIOT.”
Brad started laughing and zipped up his pants which reminded me that he was still present.
“Oh, God, Brad…uh…we can’t do that here.”
“Somewhere else then?” He gave me a crooked smile.
“Yeah, we could…NO. UGH. NO.”
“Are you drunk?” He asked. I was acting crazy.
“No, I’m just stupid.” I said. I balled my hands into fists and lightly bumped them on my head while I stood across from him.
“Faith, it’s fine. It’s not a big deal. It was just a dare.”
I rolled my eyes.
“Look,” he said coming up to me and taking my hands from my head and refusing to let me look away from his eyes, “it’s really not a big deal. We’re both adults. This doesn’t have to be weird. I’m not uncomfortable if you’re not.”
“You’re just…so hot…” I whined more to myself than to him.
He started laughing again and I pulled him over to me where we started kissing again.
20 minutes later I emerged from the stock room with my hair a complete mess right into the hallway where Cara was waiting with the mop bucket.
“Riiiiiiiight.” She said with a wide smiled and started cackling as Brad walked out.
Brad and I didn’t have sex, he’s just a really good kisser and oh my God I was so close to bringing him home with me.
My birthday was uneventful this year, which was good considering what happened a year ago around my birthday. My parents sent me a birthday card and the girls took me out to dinner to celebrate. It was a nice low-key get-together and exactly what I wanted. I went out to dinner with Randy tonight to celebrate a belated birthday with him and we had “the talk.”
“So, I’ve stopped seeing other people.” I said trying to sound nonchalant over our bruschetta appetizer.
“You have?” He said keeping his voice calm, “So, are you trying to tell me we’re exclusive now?”
“Yeah.” I said lightly touching his arm, “Except, I think we should take things slow. I like Teddy a lot but I don’t want him to be…” I couldn’t think of the best way to say what I wanted but Randy chimed in.
“You don’t want him to be hurt if things don’t work out.”
“Yeah.” I said exhaling with relief, “I mean, he is adorable and a great kid but…”
“No you’re right. We should be realistic about this. Sometimes relationships don’t work out and it’s better to just acknowledge that sometimes there can be repercussions, especially when kids are involved. I get it. We’ll go slow and introduce Teddy to what we have when we both feel okay about it.”
“Thanks for understanding, Randy. How late is the babysitter staying?” I asked with a seductive not to my voice.
Unfortunately Randy couldn’t stay the night but we did have time to do some fooling around in my apartment before he had to go relieve the babysitter. I wish Randy was a little more adventurous with the sex stuff. It’s not…bad or anything it’s just very vanilla. It makes me feel like we’re one of those married couples that only have sex with the lights off, straight-missionary, and nothing else. Sometimes I get the vibe that he feels guilty when he’s with me, like he feels like he’s cheating on his dead wife or something. Now that I can officially call him my boyfriend, I figure we should have a talk about this the next time he stays the night.
Zoey’s birthday was a smashing success. The barbecue was great, Wesley really knows his way around a grill and Molly even brought Calvin with her. Anna and Theo came with the twins which was a nice surprise. I figured they would have gotten a babysitter but it was fun having the twins there. Calvin is really hot. He has dark hair and eyes and he’s pretty buff. He talked about some of the shows he’s been in and it sounds like he’s really starting to make a name for himself in the city. At one point in the evening Molly and I were alone in the kitchen putting the candles on Zoey’s cake per Wesley’s request and I decided to ask about Calvin.
“So since he’s your date does that mean you two had the big important talk about being a couple?” I asked counting out the candles.
“No.” She said, “I just thought he’d want to come and get free food.”
“Meeting the friends is a big first step.”
“I guess so.” She shrugged.
“I don’t get it. How can you guys be in such a non-committed relationship?” I asked.
“I don’t know. It just works for us.”
“Is he afraid of commitment?” I asked looking for a lighter in one of the drawers.
“No.”
“Are you?” I asked finally finding the lighter.
“No. We just…aren’t labeling what we have.” She said.
“But are you seeing anyone else?” I asked.
“No. We’re comfortable, Faith. We’re comfortable with where we are right now and we don’t need to label it in order to make it what it already is. You know?”
“But how can you both be on the same page if neither one of you ever talk about your relationship?” I asked lifting the cake and carefully walking to the dining room door.
“We just know.” She said.
A round of “Happy Birthday” followed and Zoey opened her gifts. Everyone started mingling again and I continued my conversation with Molly.
“I just don’t get it.” I said, “Randy wants to have that talk with me, about being exclusive, but you and Calvin just know? And you’re okay with that?”
Molly thought about it before answering.
“I really am. I don’t know what’s going to happen between Calvin and I but I think what we have right now is on a good path and I don’t want to think about the future. I like what I have right now and I’m fine with us not having the big talk.”
Just then Calvin came over and Molly started talking to him. I went to go play with the twins. About an hour later everyone from the party dispersed and wished Zoey a “Happy Birthday”. I find Molly’s relationship so odd but I probably shouldn’t be judging her relationship since I’m sick of people judging what I do with mine.
I feel like I’m in a good place right now. Things with Chris and Randy are going well and work is okay. I have a date this Friday night with Randy and a date on Saturday night with Chris. Things are still somewhat tense with the girls but they’re just being unnecessarily judgmental. Anyway, Zoey’s birthday is coming up and the four of us were talking about what she should do for it over dinner.
“You could have a dinner party.” Molly suggested.
“I don’t think I want to cook for a bunch of people on my birthday especially when Thanksgiving is just around the corner and I’m planning on having Thanksgiving at my house since Anna id it last year.”
“You don’t have to do Thanksgiving.” Molly said, “I could do it.
“I want to, especially since we’re all going to be in town for it.”
“Well, except for me.” Anna said. It’s the twins’ first Thanksgiving so Anna and Theo are going to his parents’ place for Thanksgiving and they’re going to her parents’ place for Christmas.
“I was thinking I’d just book a table at a nice restaurant or have a barbecue. Wesley likes to grill, so it would be a win-win if we went that route.” Zoey said.
“A barbecue sounds fun. Do you have the space at your apartment, though?” I asked.
“No, but Wesley does. He actually just moved into a townhouse with a yard.”
“Oh, you never told us that.” Molly said.
“It just happened and it wasn’t planned. His lease was about to come up and he saw this great deal by chance when he took a wrong turn driving to a photo shoot. I only found out a few days ago. I’ve been helping him unpack.”
Zoey told us all about Wesley’s new townhouse and it sounded like the perfect place to hold a barbecue.
“You should definitely have your birthday there.” Anna said.
“I’m sold. I’m having a barbecue. Although, it’ll be a little too chilly to eat outside but that’s okay because the dining room is huge. We could probably get a little bon fire going out in the yard after dusk in one of those earthenware outdoor fireplaces.”
“If you want help decorating or if you want people to bring dishes, you let me know.” Molly said. Anna nodded.
We didn’t talk about my dating life at all and it was really obvious that the three of them were avoiding it as a topic. I mostly talked about work and I told them about my friend date with Stormy and his unfortunate living situation.
“He doesn’t feel like the space is really his because all of his stuff is in storage. Rose sounds like a horrible person to live with.”
“You know, I’ve heard that’s a common problem when people move in together. If you move into your boyfriend’s apartment it never really feels like yours because it used to be only theirs.” Zoey said.
“Theo and I didn’t have that problem when he moved in with me just after graduating from college but I went out of my way to make him feel comfortable. He was there so much before he moved in that it wasn’t a huge transition. But now we live in our townhouse and it belongs to both of us equally. Both of us have our own space. He has his office and I have my craft room. It worked out really well.”
“And see Stormy doesn’t have that because Rose took the spare bedroom for herself. All of it is hers. Honestly, it sounds like he’s still living out of his suitcase because she won’t even give up her closet space.”
“Well, that’s not going to last.” Molly said, “I mean, it sounds like they are on the fast track to a break-up.”
“I’m sure they are.” I said realistically. I didn’t say that to Stormy when he was at my place but I think it was definitely the elephant in the room.
“Wesley and I have been talking about moving in together. I think the townhouse is so new that it would pretty much feel like both of ours. I’ve been considering it since he told me about it. I only have one more month before my lease expires.”
“Well, you guys have been together for over a year. And the timing seems right.” Anna said.
Zoey spoke more about the pros and cons of moving in with Wesley but I wasn’t paying attention. When she announced that she was thinking about moving in with him I felt like I had been punched in the stomach and I’m ashamed to say that I’m jealous of her. Zoey has a near perfect relationship with Wesley. She has never mentioned them fighting, she has never needed me to pick her back up because he cheated on her like she did with me when Sean told me he’d slept with someone else, she’s never needed to vent about something he did that annoyed her…and everyone else is in a relationship except for me. But not just any relationship, they’re in good, healthy ones where trust exists and being content with each other is a normal feeling. I want that and I’m jealous of my friends because they have it (even if Molly refuses to call her relationship with Calvin what it is, it’s still a healthy relationship between two people who don’t want to talk about commitment yet).
Later, I decided to console myself and called Chris. He convinced me to go over to his place.
I was laying in Chris’s bed at the frat house cuddling with him after sex. Since he’s an officer for his Frat, he gets his own room which was the only reason I had agreed to go back to his place in the first place. Chris is much better in bed than Randy is but neither one of them is really getting me where I want to go, if you catch the drift. I think with Randy, he’s just not used to having sex with other women besides his wife but with Chris, I think it’s because of his lack of imagination. So while we were cuddling on his bed under the covers I decided to try and widen his imagination.
“Have you ever gone down on a woman before?” I asked out of the blue.
Chris was shocked and sort of embarrassed at my question.
“Are you blushing?” I teased.
“No!” He said, “I’m just hot.”
“Okay,” I said smirking, “Well, have you?”
“No, I haven’t.”
“Have you ever wanted to?” I asked laying my hand on his chest.
“Uh, no. That’s gross.”
“Excuse me?” I said looking at him, “Do you think what I just did to you was gross?”
“Well no, but that’s different.”
“How is it any different?”
“Because with dudes it’s like the perfect shape and with chicks there’s hair and you have to get up in there…yeah gross, I’m not going to stick my nose anywhere near that .” He said matter-of-factly.
“Um, you’re not waxed down there and guys don’t always smell like daisies, either.” I pointed out, “Plus what kind of porn are you watching? You don’t stick your nose-”
“It’s just gross.”
“Apparently not too gross if you’re willing to put your pe-”
“Well, my face isn’t down there. I don’t have to look at it.”
“Okay.” I shrugged, “But I bet if you did go down on women you’d have all sorts of girls wanting to sleep with you.”
“You say that like we’re not going to be together for very long.” He said.
“Well, we’re just having fun for right now. I’m not thinking of the future. Are you?”
“I guess not.” He said with a shrug, “You’re not like other girls. Other girls always want to talk about where the relationship is going and stuff. But you’re fine to just chill.”
“Uh. Thanks.” I said.
After a few more minutes of cuddling I got up to go to the bathroom which was down the hall. I put on one of Chris’s t-shirts hanging on the back of a chair and walked down the hall to loud cat calls and whistles from rooms with the door open. I’m never staying over again. The walk to the bathroom combined with my departure in the morning was enough to make sure I never do again. College boys are so immature and gross.
Sean is going to have conference calls with Dr. Deerhorn three times a week. He started them a few days ago and he is SO much happier. It’s honestly like night and day, guys. I think his tour mates are also a little thankful, too. I know I would be if I were in their shoes. I’ve been super busy, lately. I had to take Murphy to the vet for his annual check-up amidst one of my busiest weeks at work. I’ve finished all of my “just in case” severance packages for all our employees and our very first employee reviews were due this week. We asked all the writers to turn in evaluations of their peers and Veronica’s assistants were required to turn in their overall performance evaluations of everyone since Veronica is waaaay too busy to do them herself (she doesn’t work as closely with the staff anyway so it’s not that big of a deal).
Veronica was able to get the investors on board with the digital reboot of the paper but they are too skeptical to want it to expand to the station so the paper is going to be the guinea pig and if it does well, they’ll consider boosting the digital reboot to the station, as well. We were given extra funds to hire two web developers/designers to get it started so amongst employee evaluations, severance package overviews, and a trip to the vet, I’ve been conducting interviews. I think I’ve found the two I want to hire but I have three more people coming in soon and one of them seems very promising. Steve is the only person besides Veronica who knows that we’re doing a digital launch of the paper but he doesn’t know the reason why, which I think is a good thing considering that he has the tendency to gossip and a mass firing of everyone would definitely spread like wild fire.
Zoey and Wesley went to Hawaii for a vacation. They get back tomorrow and Zoey has been sending me pictures of all the things they’ve been doing. They went scuba diving and surfing their first day there and then lazed about the second day. The third day they went hiking up to a volcano and took some seriously stunning photos of the view from the top. I don’t know what they’ve done today but I kind of miss her. I’m glad that she’s having such a fun vacation but I really do miss her. Meanwhile, Molly has gone on several dates with Calvin and I think they’re going to be exclusive soon. They haven’t had the talk, yet, but Molly seems hopeful. She also recently went on a slew of auditions and landed a great part in a small show. I can’t wait to be there opening night with flowers. I’m so happy for her.
Anna is doing well with the twins. She occasionally sends me updates on them and how much they are growing. I sent her a birthday card for her 25th birthday with a gift certificate in it to her favorite restaurant and a silly little coupon for a free round of babysitting from me so she can actually use said gift certificate since the restaurant is pretty nice and not baby or kid-friendly.
I’m counting down until I can surprise Sean, especially since he’s been so much happier. I’m glad I didn’t cancel my trip because after this busy, busy week, I’m going to want that mini-vacation more than anything!
Zoey and I decided to go buy Theo and Anna some extra diapers, a car seat, and some more baby clothes just to get them started (they’ll reimburse us for it all…can I just say: It is really expensive to have a baby) while Anna and Theo got acquainted with their new babies. They wouldn’t have been able to leave the hospital without the baby seat, so we picked up some extra stuff for them while we were buying the car seat.
When we came back, Anna’s parents left to go sleep at Anna and Theo’s house for awhile and Theo started putting the car seat together.
“How are you?” I asked Anna while setting aside some flowers and a congratulations balloon Zoey and I got her.
“I’m tired, but really, really happy.” She said.
Anna looked tired but the smile on her face was impossible to ignore. The babies were hanging out in the nursery because Anna fed them and she needed some serious rest after her super long labor (I think the total was 46 hours; the twins are 6 minutes apart).
“What did you end up naming them?” Zoey asked.
“Andrew and Jennifer.”
“We’re still debating, though. It’s not official.” Theo said coming back around the corner of Anna’s room.
“Theo doesn’t like ‘Jennifer’.” Anna said rolling her eyes.
“I want to call her Weatherly.”
“Well, both would be fine, either way. They are both pretty.” I said.
“We actually wanted to talk to both of you.” Anna said.
Theo sat next to her and took her hand.
“Okay.” Zoey said sitting in a chair next to me.
“We originally asked Faith to be the godmother of our baby but now that we have two and we’d like both of you to be the godparents to the twins.”
Zoey was visibly touched to be asked and she immediately gave them both a hug before accepting. I’m going to be Jennifer/Weatherly’s godmother and Zoey is going to be Andrew’s. Anna was starting to nod off after a few minutes so we said goodbye and headed to the nursery to see our little friends.
You guys. They are SO CUTE. I’m a godmother! I called Sean and let him know that Anna was doing well, that I got to see the twins, and that I wanted a baby, like, now.
“Uh, shouldn’t we wait until I make an honest woman out of you?” He joked.
“But I want one noooow!” I fake-whined.
“Faith. 46 hours of labor.”
“Touché.”
I decided that babies could wait.
I’m absolutely exhausted so this is going to be fairly short. When I got back to the hospital after a quick nap and change of clothes, Anna still hadn’t progressed very far in her labor. Zoey had gone home for a nap and a change of clothes as well and she came back about 15 minutes after me.
To be honest it was all really boring. Zoey and I waited in the lounge because there was a limit on how many people were allowed in Anna’s room and her family had flown in the minute they heard and were camped out in her room with Theo. Theo would come in occasionally to update us and drink some coffee. We ran across the street to a diner to get everyone dinner at one point. Zoey and I ate there so we could get out of the sanitizing lights of the hospital. We both had bags under our eyes.
“She has been in labor for 36 hours. You’d think SOMETHING would have happened by now.” Zoey whined.
I agreed. Having a baby is certainly boring (when you aren’t the one having the baby, I would assume). After 8 more hours Anna FINALLY started to progress with some pitocin to aid her. Theo came running into the room within 15 minutes of him telling us she was at 10 centimeters to announce the birth.
“It’s a boy!”
Zoey and I hugged Theo and gave many congratulations.
“Anna is experiencing a problem, though, her placenta won’t drop. I’ll keep you guys updated.” Theo ran out of the room before we could freak out.
“That’s not a big deal, right, Faith?” Zoey turned to me.
We were both pretty pale.
“I…I don’t know.”
Suddenly Theo came back and nearly wiped out trying to throw himself through the doorway to the lounge.
“Is she okay!?” Zoey and I asked at the same time.
Theo’s face was in shock. He was sweating and his eyes were wide.
“She...we…there was another baby in there!” He sputtered.
“WHAT?” Zoey looked dumbfounded.
“We have a girl! And a boy!”
“How does that even happen?” I asked, equally dumbfounded.
“The second baby was really high up, they mistook her for the placenta, the heart beat was never found because the…twins, “Theo sounded shocked that he could even say the word, “I guess their heartbeats were totally in sync.”
Theo looked like he was going to pass out.
“Theo?” Zoey said moving him to a couch covered in plastic, “Is this common?”
“It happens, but ultrasounds usually catch it. Oh my God we have to buy another car seat! And more diapers! And a double wide stroller! And-”
“We’ll go get you a car seat, Theo, you should probably go back in there.” I said, “But, first, how is Anna?”
“Are you kidding? She’s ECSTATIC!”
I’ll write more soon, but I’m falling asleep at my laptop and need to go to bed!
(Author's Note: Hi new readers! I hope you enjoy the blog, I welcome criticism in the comments as long as it's respectful. Thanks to the lovely people who recommended me!)
(*Note: There's been two posts, make sure to read the one below this one first or you might be really confused*)
I woke up the morning of my birthday with a clear mind and looking forward to my dinner party. I got flowers from Sean delivered to my apartment and put them in a crystal vase before I left for work. They were gorgeous! The bouquet had purple violets and roses with two purple orchids in the center and yellow sprigs of accents flowers. I’ve never gotten such beautiful flowers before and I was touched that Sean did this. I had a feeling he put a lot of effort into picking just the right arrangement and flowers. I was planning on using them for the centerpiece for dinner.
Steve, Suzy, and Dina organized a small birthday party (cupcakes and a card signed by everyone) at work and let me know they were all looking forward to my party later that night. I was so excited but work seemed to take forever and by the time I left to meet Sean outside I was bursting at the seams.
“Hey birthday girl!” Sean was leaning on the side of my building when I came out of the front doors.
His hair was windswept and he was wearing a pair of dark jeans, his Chucks, and a heavy gray sweater over a white t-shirt.
“Hey, you. I got the flowers. They’re beautiful. Thank you.” I gave Sean a passionate kiss and a hug before we set off for the grocery store.
I spent about 30 minutes shopping for all of the things I would need for the dinner while Sean picked up the cake and made sure I couldn’t see it by covering it with his jacket. I felt happier than I have in awhile and Sean was giggling with me and flirting. It was nice. He even bought me an obnoxious birthday balloon when we went to check out.
We were still laughing and flirting when I opened the door to my apartment, carrying heavy bags of groceries. Sean went to go put the bags of groceries in the kitchen as I went to tie the balloon onto a chair back. I stepped on something in the hallway though and stopped midway.
“Sean?”
“Yeah?”
“Is Murphy in the kitchen with you?”
“No, why?”
I released the balloon so it bumped up against the ceiling and walked into the kitchen.
“The flowers you sent me were knocked off of the table I left them on. I’m worried that Murphy knocked it over and hurt himself…he usually greets me when I come through the door…”
“He’s probably sleeping or something; do you want me to grab a dustpan?”
“Yeah,” I said looking around.
Sean handed me a dust pan but then pulled me to him and we started making out in my kitchen. He had me up on one of my counters when I suddenly opened my eyes and screamed. There was a dark figure coming out of my bedroom towards us. Sean spun around and grabbed a knife from a wood block next to me. The figure stopped in my hallway like it was deciding where to go and suddenly ran out my front door and away. Sean tried to run after whoever it was but they lost him. He came back out of breath and told me to call the police.
My hands were shaking and I was struggling not to go into hysterics.
“S-Sean…M-Murphy…find him.” I squeaked out while I dialed the phone.
I reported the break-in and the dispatcher told me she would send some police officers over to the apartment as soon as possible. When I got off the phone Sean came around the corner holding Murphy.
“He was under the couch, shaking. I think he was scared of whoever was here.”
He handed him to me and then held me. As we were standing in the kitchen waiting for the police, Zoey walked through my open front door.
“Hey, guys…what’s going on?” She looked around bewildered.
“Someone broke into Faith’s apartment. We just called the police.”
“Oh my God! Faith do you want me to call everyone and tell them not to come?”
I nodded and gave her the list of people who were supposed to come and their phone numbers. She stepped into the hall and started calling people. Within a few minutes two police officers were looking through my apartment while another one was talking to Sean and I about what happened. We had just finished telling them everything when Zoey came in to stand next to me. The officer was writing everything down and then started asking me questions.
“Have you ever received any odd gifts from a stranger or a secret admirer? Any unexplained notes?”
“No…nothing like that…well, my ex-boyfriend Kevin sent me some morbid stuff after we broke up. We didn’t end on good terms but I haven’t seen anything like that since I got my new job.”
“What!?” Sean recoiled away from me in shock. I realized that I had never told him about the strange bereavement card or the flowers that Kevin claimed weren’t from him and I downplayed how crazy Kevin went around the time I quit.
“Sean, it’s not like that, he wouldn’t admit to sending the stuff but he was just playing with my head.”
“What did he send you?” The officer asked cutting Sean off and leaving him to stew in his shock and anger.
“A bereavement card that said, ‘I’m sorry for your loss’ when we broke up and a bouquet of flowers when we were together. It didn’t have a note.”
“Has your ex-boyfriend been in contact with you since you quit your job?”
“No.”
“But he knows where you live?”
“Yes.”
“You said you ended on bad terms, can you tell me what that means?”
“I found out he was lying to me about being involved with someone else. We worked together and he wasn’t handling it professionally at work. When I decided to quit and turn in my resignation to him he tried to grope me and take my shirt off.”
“Did you press charges?”
“No, I just wanted to leave everything behind. He was drunk when it happened and I loved my old newspaper company, just not him being my boss. I didn’t want to cause them any extra legal troubles.”
“Is there anyone else who might want to hurt you or break into your apartment?”
There was a beat of silence and I looked at Sean.
“Ma’am?”
“Who, Faith?” Sean urged.
“Gerry. That’s my boyfriend’s tour manager. He came over about a week ago and tried to scare me into breaking up with Sean. He grabbed my arm and tried to restrain me when I refused but my cat attacked him. He told me that I’m the reason he was going to lose his job and that he couldn’t let that happen; that I needed to be put in my place and that I was controlling Sean’s life so I could be the band’s tour manager. He was not in the right mind and was clearly upset. That’s why I didn’t tell you Sean. I was going to; I was just waiting for the right time.”
“How could you not tell me this!?” Sean was yelling and bright red.
“Sean! Now isn’t the time, okay?” Zoey cut in and gave Sean a warning stare, “She has more important things to focus on right now, don’t you think?”
Sean crossed his arms and looked away, it was pretty obvious that he was incredibly pissed at me and that I was in some serious trouble later. The officer was eyeing both of us and then saw the black and purple bruise on my arm and looked at Sean.
“It wasn’t him, it was Gerry.” I said acidly.
“Do you want to press charges against Gerry?”
“No.”
Sean squirmed next to me and Zoey shifted uncomfortably.
“Are you sure?”
“Yes. He wasn’t in his right mind. He was upset.”
“How did he find your address?”
“He told me he followed Sean after work one night and then came back the next day.”
Sean moved almost like he’d been electrocuted but didn’t say anything.
“Okay, I’m going to ask you to do a walkthrough of your apartment to see if anything was stolen.”
I followed the officer and looked all over my apartment but the only thing that was missing was my toothbrush and the only thing that was damaged was the vase Sean’s flowers had been in. I figured Murphy got up and knocked the flowers over, possibly trying to get away from whoever had been here and he’s knocked my toothbrush on the floor before so I figured he did it again and it was hiding under a shelf or something but I was too shook up to really look for it.
After a few hours, the police left and I was alone with Sean and Zoey. I had been struggling to keep myself composed since I saw the dark figure moving towards me and the emotional exhaustion was starting to take its toll. I walked back to the kitchen after closing the door behind the police and caught Sean and Zoey whispering to each other. They stopped as soon as they saw me.
“I don’t really feel comfortable staying here…” I said, my voice was hoarse.
“I’ll take you and Murphy to my place, Zoey already offered to drive us. You should go pack a bag; I’m going to run to the store to buy a disposable cat box and I should be back in 20 minutes, okay?”
Zoey threw Sean her keys before he hugged me and left. She then started collecting various things for Murphy: his food dish, his small cat bed, a bag of food, two or three toys, and the security blanket he’s had since he was at the adoption shelter. I started packing a bag and realized about halfway through that I had no idea how long it would take for me to want to come back to my apartment so I packed enough clothes for a week and hoped I was over-packing. I threw a bag of toiletries together and added it to my suitcase when Sean walked through the door.
The ride to Sean’s apartment was silent except for the moments where Murphy meowed out of nervousness (he tends to associate the car with the vet so I don’t blame him) and the noise of the city. Neither of us said a word until Zoey dropped us off. She helped us carry everything upstairs and I went to see her off while Sean set up the cat box for Murphy.
“Are you going to be okay?”
“I think so,” I said with an air of detachment.
“I didn’t mean about this, I meant about you and Sean. He seems really pissed, Faith.”
“I’m in a lot of trouble,” I conceded, “but I think we’ll be able to work through this. I mean, he didn’t need to offer his apartment to me, he knew you could have easily taken me in. It will be unpleasant but I…I have to believe things will be okay right now because I don’t know if I can handle losing Sean right after losing Elise and now this…I should have told him as soon as it happened. Why am I so stupid?” I asked, sighing, and leaning against her car to look up at Sean’s apartment.
“You’re not stupid,” she said hugging me, “You were afraid. When we’re scared we don’t think clearly.” She smiled warmly which caused a feeling embarrassment to start creeping over me.
“Why did you show up so early, Zoey?” I asked changing the subject.
“I thought you’d want some help setting up for the party.” She said.
She looked at her watch and then looked at me.
“How long are you going to avoid going up there?” She asked with a smirk.
“I don’t know. I don’t really want to. I’m exhausted, it’s amazing how drained a person can feel after being terrified. This is the second time this week I’ve felt that way, too. At least I don’t have to expend the energy hiding everything anymore.”
“Hey,” she said looking at me, “I’ll go get your stuff and load it up in the car right now if you want me to. I have that extra guest room.”
“No,” I said sighing and committing myself to talking to Sean, “He deserves an explanation. I can’t hide from this forever, especially now that it seems Gerry really is unstable enough to hurt me.”
“Okay, well, if things get to be too much you can call me and I’ll be here in 15 minutes.”
“I will.”
“I mean it, Faith,” She said holding my shoulders, “no matter how late it is.”
Zoey gave me one more hug before getting in her car and leaving. I took a few moments before going upstairs to face Sean. He was sitting at his dining room table with two glasses of hot chocolate; Murphy was sitting next to him on the tabletop flicking his tail.
“Hi.” I said meekly closing the door behind me.
“Hi. I thought you might want something to eat so I’m toasting an Italian sub for us in the oven.”
I realized how hungry I was as soon as the smell from the kitchen hit me and I thanked Sean before I sat down at the table across from him. Murphy meowed and walked over to sit near me as I took a sip from my cup.
“I was going to tell you.” I said looking at my cup.
“But you didn’t. At least not until you were forced to.” He got up and went to the kitchen before I could respond.
I sat there and stroked Murphy until Sean came back and set down a plate in front of me with half a sandwich and some apple slices on it.
“I just wanted some time to try and figure out the best way to tell you. I wanted to get all of my thoughts about what happened in order because I knew you’d be upset and one of us needed to keep a straight head after you’d been told.”
“Faith, this isn’t the first time you’ve lied to me by omission. How can you expect me to trust you when you do things like this?”
“Sean, the stuff with Kevin was in the past, I told you I didn’t think it was relevant. I didn’t know how concerned you were about it which is why I didn’t think to tell you.”
“But then I told you how much it concerned me and you still omitted stuff.”
“Like what?”
“Like the fact that he sent you those creepy things. A bereavement card? Really?”
“I didn’t purposefully omit those things, Sean, I honestly forgot all about it until the police officer asked me about weird gifts.” My voice was tight with emotion but I tried to control it. I knew if I let myself succumb to the trauma of what we had just dealt with surface I wouldn’t be able to stop it.
Sean sighed and we ate in silence. When we were both finished he got up and took our plates to head towards the kitchen.
Over his shoulder he said, “I’m going to sleep on the couch tonight.”
I sat at the table for a few moments letting that decision sink in before heading into the kitchen.
“Sean, this is your apartment, I’ll sleep on the couch. Plus, you can’t sleep with light streaming through the windows.”
“No. Just go to bed, Faith.”
I stood in the kitchen doorway a little hurt by what he was saying before I decided to just give up and let Sean be a martyr on the couch. After putting on an oversized t-shirt and crawling into bed I sat in the middle of it with my chin on my knees. Sean came in holding something after a few minutes of me sitting there unable to turn off my mind.
“Here,” He said handing me a small box.
“What is this?” I asked looking at the box with confusion.
“It’s your birthday present. I was going to give it to you tomorrow but I think it’s safe to say that our special date isn’t going to be happening so soon.”
I took the box and opened it and then looked at Sean.
“It’s really sweet, Sean. I love it.” He had given me a silver necklace with a crystal music note on it.
“I love you, too,” I added when I realized he wouldn’t look at me, “Sean, please.”
I reached for his hand but he moved away before we connected and headed into the bedroom’s private bathroom. He came back out and sat down next to me.
“I also got you this.” He said handing me something inside a plastic CVS bag.
I opened it and looked at Sean before I enthusiastically hugged him. It was a blue toothbrush with a small red ribbon tied around the neck. It happened all at once: the hug, my crying, and then my sobbing. The emotion that I had been trying to hold back for hours had finally been allowed to surface and Sean just held me. He didn’t have to say anything, I knew things would be okay, eventually.
Shortly after Molly left Sean came over after finishing a gig. He plunked down next to me and grabbed a leftover slice of pizza from the coffee table before asking me about my day.
“It was uneventful. How was your gig?” I asked trying to sound nonchalant. There’s no way Gerry’s scratches would have healed by now and they were all over his face. Sean was bound to mention it.
“It was fine but Gerry wasn’t there, so that was really weird. Jake talked to him over the phone, though, so we know he’s not dead or in a hospital somewhere.” Sean laughed.
“Doesn’t the tour manager have to be at every show?” I asked.
“Not really, it’s just weird because Gerry has never missed a show since he’s been our manager, so it’s only weird because it’s Gerry missing a show not some other tour manager. Maybe it’s a sign that he’s starting to branch out, maybe he’s getting a social life now that he knows we aren’t renewing his contract, you know?”
“Yeah,” I said, “maybe.”
“Are you getting excited about your dinner party?” Sean asked.
“Hmm? Oh, yeah,” I said, “really excited.”
“You seem distracted…” Sean said reaching for another slice of left over pizza.
“Oh, I’m just planning the party out in my head, you know, just making sure I haven’t forgotten anything for the grocery list.”
“Well, personally, I think you should be excited.”
“Why is that?” I asked pulling myself away from the things Molly had said that were swirling through my mind.
“Because I got you the best birthday present ever.”
“Are you going to tell me what it is?”
“Nope.”
“Jerk.” I fake pouted.
We sat in a comfortable silence while I channel surfed until Sean perked up with a question from left field.
“How have you been dealing with the whole Elise fallout?”
“Well, if I’m being honest with myself, I thought I’d be more upset about losing someone I was close friends with but I feel relieved more than anything.”
“I can kind of tell.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. I mean, don’t get mad, but you were kind of mean when that stuff really started getting out of control.”
“What?”
“You were just kind of snappy all the time, I mean that mini-fight-that-turned-out-to-be-a-misunderstanding-thing about Gerry’s contract and him still being at shows wasn’t your usual self. You usually let me talk before expressing your concerns. I mean…you’ve never made me guess why you were mad before that.”
I thought about what Sean was saying and he was completely right. I have been pretty short with him these past few weeks.
“I’m really sorry, Sean. You deserve to be treated better than that.”
“It’s no big deal, I get that you were under a lot of pressure, especially with Anna and the whole not-wanting-Zoey-to-know thing. I get it.” He kissed my forehead and I drifted back into the conversation Molly and I had had only a few hours earlier.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” Sean asked, snapping me out of my guilt.
“Sure, just planning for the big party again.” I tried to giggle convincingly.
I was, of course, lying to Sean. The truth is that my talk with Molly had been bothering me a lot and I couldn’t seem to get her voice out of my head. When Sean and I went to sleep that night I was really restless and had a hard time falling asleep. It was like this the whole next day, too.
Tonight I finally sat down and thought about everything and my reasons behind not wanting to tell Sean about what happened with Gerry. I made a list of pros and cons and debated them with Murphy’s help for the better part of my evening and I’ve decided that I am going to tell Sean but I’m going to need a few days to figure out how to tell him and how to explain it to him so he doesn’t immediately go out and try to kill Gerry or hate me for not telling him immediately. My plan is to tell him the day after our special birthday date since neither of us have anywhere to be and I won’t feel rushed explaining things.
I’ve decided to have a dinner party to celebrate my upcoming birthday and invited Anna, Zoey, Molly, Sean and his friends, and Suzy, Dina, and Steve from work. I’m going to be making pot roast with roasted vegetables, mashed potatoes and gravy, and dinner rolls for the entrée, a wedge salad with homemade ranch dressing, bacon crumbles, and parmesan cheese for a starter, and for dessert Sean wanted to get me a marble cake as a surprise. I’m also going to make those stuffed mushrooms that Sean really likes as an appetizer for my guests. I’m really excited about this. I know most people wouldn’t want to cook for hours on their birthday but I’ve never done a dinner party before and I’ve been getting a lot better with my cooking skills.
Suzy, Dina, and Steve were all really excited for the party and responded to my e-vites (which I sent out over lunch) right away. Everyone else responded later tonight except for Sean’s friends which he’s going to invite after their gig tonight. My social life is starting to fill up pretty quick because Molly wanted to come over with a pizza and some Netflix movies tonight (she just left, but I’ll come back to that) and I’m going to go on a shopping date with Anna for more maternity clothes next week and Zoey is coming with us. Molly and Zoey and I are going to hang out and go thrifting a little later this week and Sean and I are going to go grocery shopping for my dinner party the day of my birthday and then he’s going to take me out for a lavish date the day after!
I haven’t been so socially busy in a long time and it’s exciting. It also helps me keep my mind off of the Gerry thing. Speaking of Gerry, Molly practically invited herself over tonight and I had a feeling she was going to drill me about the unexplained bruise on my arm.
“I’ve got pepperoni with extra cheese, some ice cold sodas, and four Netflix movies with our names on them!” She trilled as I let her into my apartment.
I grabbed some plates and cups from my kitchen and met her on the couch. We decided to watch Sleeping with the Enemy first and it didn’t take long before Molly was trying to awkwardly ask me about my bruise.
“So….how’s everything going?”
“Fine.”
“Are you going to need help with cooking for the dinner party?”
“Sean’s helping me.”
There was a moment of silence.
“Oh.”
I looked at Molly, who had a sour expression on her face.
“What’s wrong? You like Sean.”
“I don’t like him if he’s hitting you, Faith!”
I looked at Molly with my mouth gaping in astonishment and confusion.
“My sister was in an abusive relationship and I-”
“WHOA! WHOA! WHOA! Sean has never hit me Molly.”
“Then why are you lying about how you got that bruise?”
“…it’s…complicated. And besides…you heard me lie to Sean about my bruise. Why would I lie to him about how I got if he’s the one who did it?”
“Faith, who is hurting you?”
“It’s nothing, Molly. I bumped it.”
“No. You didn’t.”
Molly’s tone made it very clear that she wasn’t leaving until I answered her with the truth and I just gave up trying to avoid letting everything out.
“Sean’s tour manager came over the other day and we got into an argument. He grabbed me out of frustration and left shortly thereafter,” Molly’s face was filled with disgust, “He lost control for one minute, it was a mistake.”
Molly gave me a skeptical look and I told her the whole story.
“You have to tell Sean about this!”
“No.”
“Faith!”
“I can’t. If Sean finds out he might attack Gerry or risk his position in the band and I can’t let him do that because Gerry wants to play the stern father-figure. His contract isn’t being renewed so I only have to put up with him for three more months and then I never have to worry about him again.”
I was bordering on hysterical and was panicking with the thought of Molly telling Sean.
“You can’t tell him Molly!” I added.
“I’m not going to tell him, Faith, but you’re going to have to tell him at some point. He’ll find out some day, that’s usually how lies work out.”
“I’m technically just lying by omission, though.”
“No you’re not. He asked you what happened to our arm after Zoey’s party.”
“Dammit. I don’t think there will ever need to be a reason to tell him if I can make it until January.”
“And what’s going to happen if Gerry comes back? He knows where you live. He could come back and hurt you again. What are you going to do if you do have to see him again? Or, what if he’s able to reconcile with Sean and they renew his contract?”
“Molly, you’re raining on my poorly laid out plan.”
“The guy stalked your boyfriend to figure out where you live and then waited until he left so he could isolate you.”
“When you put it like that it sounds so wrong. Gerry doesn’t have anything else besides the band, Molly. He has no family, no kids, just his job and he thinks I’m the reason for that going south. It’s understandable that he would be so upset.”
“Faith, listen to yourself: ‘He thinks I’m the reason for that going south.’ Yeah…he sees you as the one obstacle standing between him and the only thing he has in his life. How unstable is he? Could he try to kill you?”
“You’re over-exaggerating.” I said reaching for another slice of pizza and trying to get that possibility out of my head.
“Really? Because I don’t think you’re taking it seriously enough.”
“I can’t press charges without letting Sean know, Molly. I’m stuck between hurting someone I love and taking the path of least resistance.”
“This isn’t your fault! Sean’s problems with Gerry aren’t because of you! It’s because he wants to micromanage and obsessively control everything about the band.”
I got really quiet. Molly has a point but it’s such an impossible decision. Sean could lose everything if I tell him about this and I just can’t do that to him. I think Molly could tell I was having a personal crisis and thankfully changed the subject to the movie. She didn’t bring the Gerry situation up for the rest of the night but she gave me a really strong hug when she left, almost like she was worried she might not see me again. Our whole conversation gave me the heebie-jeebies.