New Leaves

I found myself sitting in the squishy leather chair with a feeling of resignation.

End of The Road

“Who the HELL allowed this to happen!?”

Maggie was yelling at Tony and all of Mike’s friends in the burn unit’s waiting room. She was absolutely distraught and taking it out on everyone around her. It got to the point where the hospital staff threatened to call security unless she left Mike’s room until she calmed down. Incidentally, calming down was the opposite of what she was doing in the waiting room.

Living Nightmare

I hit the sidewalk after my meeting and took out my phone. I had three missed calls from a number I didn’t know. As I stared at my phone in confusion another call came through from the same number.

“Hello?”

Halves

“What? Mike, I’ve met your all of your sisters, she’s not-”

“She’s my half-sister, Faith.”

I sat down heavily on Mike’s couch and let out a deep breath before looking at him with all the confusion in the world painted on my face. He sighed and put his hands together. I could tell he was choosing his words very carefully.

The Storm Inside

“You don’t have to do that.” I said trying to stop him but he held the front door open for me and stood next to me. I could feel the heat from his body.

“I’m not going to let you go out in this weather. Let’s go.”

I walked into Mike’s hallway and followed him to the elevator. We went to the lower level parking garage and got to his car.

“Wait…is this yours?” I asked.

“Yeah.” Mike said unlocking my car door.

“Is this…”

“Yeah, it’s the one I was working on with my dad. I got rid of my Honda.”

“Wow.” I said taking in the cherry red ’69 Mustang.

I slipped into the passenger seat and buckled up as Mike started it up. I wish I could say that the ride back to my apartment was magical but it wasn’t. It was awkward as hell.

Crash of Storms

Molly and Calvin had gone to see her mother in Michigan for the weekend so I had the apartment completely to myself when I got home from the show on Saturday night. I kicked my shoes off and put my hair up into a sloppy bun before walking into the kitchen in my comfiest outfit (a white crop racer-back crop top and black hipster maxi skirt) to make some popcorn. I turned my stereo on and soft rock pumped through the speakers lightly punctuated by the popping sounds coming from the microwave. I was in a pretty good mood, the show had gone well and the next day was a rare Sunday off due to some theatre maintenance we’ve had scheduled since December. I grabbed a root beer from my fridge and popped the cap off as I stood in front of the sliding glass door to the balcony.

I could see flashes of lightning streak the sky periodically and hear the rolls of thunder course through the city streets around me. It was only a matter of time before the rain started and I smiled to myself. I’ve always loved summer storms. The way they cool everything down, wash everything away. The power they can have. There’s something so much bigger than you when it comes to storms. It makes you forget your problems for just a little bit.

Or maybe that’s just me.

The loud, cranky beeping of the microwave pulled me out of my thoughts. As I filled a bowl with the fresh, hot popcorn my phone rang. I recognized the number immediately and was surprised but hesitated about answering. I chewed my bottom lip, sighed, and picked it up. The only sound I could hear on the other end of the line was intense sobbing.

The Longest Day

Frank decided to have a funeral for Betty but to get her cremated after and keep her urn. He told Mike that he’d decide if he wanted to scatter her ashes once some time had passed. Her funeral was going to be held at a funeral home and then there was going to be a funeral procession to the crematorium. Betty’s coffin would be dropped off, a priest would say a few words, and then everyone was invited to the wake at Mike’s parents’ house.

Mike wanted me to ride in the family car with him but I had some trepidation about that. I had a feeling Maggie wouldn’t like it but I didn’t want to explain that to Mike because he’s been dealing with so much; the last thing he’d need is me complaining about his grieving sister. I tried to get out of it, regardless.

“Are you sure there will be room for me? I know Maggie’s husband and her two kids will be there, too.”

“They’re going to be riding in his rental car.” Mike said.

I couldn’t argue with that. We left dressed in the appropriate attire.

“Are you okay?” I asked Mike while he drove to his parents’ house to meet everyone before heading to the funeral home in the family car.

“It’s going to be a long day.” He acknowledged.

I smiled sadly at him and put my hand on his knee. Eventually we pulled up to the house and I waited in the living room while Mike went into the garage and started bringing in cases of soda for the wake later that day. There was a sense of chaos with Maggie storming in and out of the kitchen grumbling about how she got stuck cooking all the food for the wake. Sarah couldn’t find her shoes and Claire misplaced her coat while Frank was struggling to tie his tie.

“Frank, let me help you with that.” I said smiling. He walked over and I began tying it for him.

“You’re a one in a million, you know that?” He said eyeing me closely, like he’d only just seen me for the first time.

I laughed, “Why do you say that?”

“You’re not like any of the others. There’s something special about you and it’s not just your kindness or your compassion. Betty saw that. She didn’t know you for very long, Faith, but she loved you.”

I wiped away a tear and tried to smile at him. I didn’t know what to say but I was incredibly touched. Maggie walked in as I opened my mouth to thank Frank and tell him how sorry I was, again, but she spoke before I could get the words out.

“Honestly, dad, shouldn’t you have learned how to do that yourself by now? Faith isn’t this family’s personal stylist.”

“It’s fine,” I said trying to diffuse the situation, “I offered.”

Maggie shouted for Sarah and Claire to get downstairs before letting her husband and two children inside, they’d just arrived. She gave her husband a kiss on the cheek and then rushed back into the kitchen mumbling something about deli meat.

Her husband and kids stood there awkwardly looking at Frank and I.

“Uh…hi. I’m Jamie, Maggie’s husband. This is Annabelle and Grant.” He said shaking my hand and motioning to his two children.

“Hi, I’m Faith. I’m Mike’s girlfriend. I wish we were meeting under happier circumstances.”

“Likewise.” Jamie said.

Within a few minutes we all packed into the family car and headed over to the funeral home where family friends, relatives, and other loved ones began congregating.

Betty’s service was short and sweet. It was a closed casket but it was beautifully done. The eulogy was given by the priest and he talked about a mother’s love and how it stays with children even when mothers can’t be there physically. I cried because it made me think about how much I love my own mother and how hard losing a parent is; my mind kept wandering to thoughts of Sarah and how she was going to cope with all of this.

The funeral procession to the crematorium was somewhat uncomfortable. Sarah wanted to sit next to me in the family car and I think that really bothered Maggie, she shot me dirty looks while we slowly moved down the road. Mike was a pallbearer for Betty’s casket and so I stood next to Sarah while we watched him, and several others, move the casket inside the crematorium. The doors closed as the priest said a final prayer. It was time to say goodbye.

Once we were back at the house and waiting for the guests to arrive, I went into the kitchen.

“Maggie, do you need any help? I’d be glad t-”

“No. I’ve got it handled. Can you tell Mike that he should put some more ice in the coolers for the sodas?”

“Sure. If you need help later, I’d love to help.” I said on my way to find Mike.

Once the guests arrived, Frank played some of Betty’s favorite music and Maggie started laying out fruit platters and cheese plates. People were mingling with sodas and coffee and I eventually found Mike.

“Hey, your sister wanted y-”Mike grabbed my hand and led me upstairs to his bedroom.

“I can’t do this Faith.” He was upset.

“Do what?” I asked with concern as he shut the door behind me.

“Listen to all of these people tell me how sorry they are and how sad they are for me. I just can’t listen to it and I can’t thank them for telling me they’re sorry she died. I just….I can’t do this.”

“Hey….it’s okay… come here.”  I said pulling him into a hug.

I patted his hair and then suddenly pulled away from him. His hands moved down to my ass.

“Mike…it’s your mother’s wake. We are not…”

“Faith, please…I just don’t want to feel this way anymore. Please.” He started kissing my neck.

“What if someone hears…” I asked as he pulled me towards his racecar bed.

“No one will hear us or see us, I locked the door. Please, I can’t do this anymore.”

“Oh my God, Mike, this is so disrespectful.” His hands were up my dress.

He started crying.

“Shhh….it’s okay.” I said. I was straddling him on his racecar bed.

“Faith, please….”

I can’t believe I’m actually typing this out but we had sex in Mike’s racecar bed during his mother’s wake and I feel so gross about it but I didn’t know how else to help him at that point. We will definitely be having a conversation about that, later, though. He has been using sex to avoid dealing with his mother’s death and it’s not fair to use me in that way and it’s not fair to him because it’s not healthy for him to deal with his feelings like this.

When he finished, I pulled my tights and underwear back up and straightened my clothes. He cleaned himself up and then straightened his clothes, too, before unlocking the door. I left and headed downstairs to grab some food and check on Sarah. She was in the dining room with a plate. Maggie had a sandwich bar set up in the kitchen for people to make their own sandwiches with different meats, cheeses, breads, and toppings. I was actually really impressed. I couldn’t believe she was able to pull everything together with such short notice. As far as I knew, they hadn’t decided on the wake being at Mike’s parents’ house when I left the other day.

I made up a plate and sat next to Sarah. She laid her head on my shoulder in silence.

“I just want it to be over.” She said after awhile.

“It’ll be over soon.” I said.

“Faith, do you think I could maybe come hang out with you sometime…just to…you know…get away from here if I need to until I go back to school?”

“Sarah, Faith has more important things to deal than hang out with a teenager.” Maggie said, she was carrying a bag of ice, “Oh, Faith, thanks for telling Mike to fill the coolers with more ice, I took care of it since he didn’t.”

I was so shocked at Maggie’s rudeness. I didn’t mind that she was being rude to me but I didn’t like how she was treating Sarah.

“I’m sorry, Maggie, I haven’t seen him.” I said.

She left to go into the kitchen. I waited until she was out of ear shot and then turned to Sarah.

“You can come visit me whenever you want.” I said. She put my number into her phone, gave me a hug, and then went upstairs to her room. I wanted to leave but felt obligated to stay for Mike. I tried to find a place out of Maggie’s way and ended up talking to Jamie and his two children. Annabelle and Grant are absolutely adorable. Grant is 7 and Annabelle is 5. I think she was probably confused about what happened to Betty. 

Jamie had to keep explaining that grandma had gone up to heaven.

“We tried telling her that grandma went to sleep but I heard that can make little kids afraid to go to sleep.” Jamie said to me. We watched Grant and Annabelle play with some small toys Jamie had brought with him to keep them occupied.

“How’s Grant dealing with it?” I asked thoughtfully.

“He’s been really quiet. I think he understands more about what happened than Annabelle does but he just doesn’t know how to deal with his feelings about it.”

I nodded. Jamie seems like a great dad and husband, he’s kind and warm and basically the opposite of Maggie. I know it’s not the nicest thing to think about but my conversation with Jamie made me wonder how he could be with someone who was just so…mean. I obviously didn’t ask but I’d be lying if I didn’t say the thought hadn’t crossed my mind.

“Faith?” Claire came up to me and asked if I could start helping her clean up. The guests were trickling out and I began collecting cups and plates from around the living room and dining rooms while Claire followed me around with a garbage bag.

“Wow, Claire, I can’t believe you’re actually cleaning things up, especially since you never clean up after yourself. “ Maggie stood in the archway to the dining room with her arms crossed and a smirk across her face.

Claire rolled her eyes and kept cleaning.

After about an hour, everything was put away, cleaned up, or taken out to the garbage. I saw Mike helping 

Maggie clean up in the kitchen while Claire and I roamed for cups and dirty napkins.

“Ready to go?” He asked as I put a final garbage bag in the trashcan.

“Yes.” I said with exhaustion. I stayed with Mike at his apartment for the night but could barely stay awake once I got changed out of my funeral clothes.

“You were right.” I said. I was laying on the couch with my head resting on Mike’s lap.

“About what?” He asked.

“It WAS a long day.”

M

Mike didn’t want me to meet his sisters for the first time at Betty’s funeral so he invited me to his parents’ house while they made the funeral arrangements, which was obviously not ideal but nothing about the past few days has been ideal. I wore a dark outfit (dark long-sleeved sweater, dark jeans, boots, and my black peacoat) and prepared myself as Mike and I walked to the front door. We didn’t knock, just walked in.

Frank was sitting on the living room couch with a young woman in her early thirties; they were looking at a book with coffins in it. She had shoulder-length dark brown hair and wore a dark blue dress with small flowers on it. Her eyes were ringed with exhaustion. Frank looked at me and gave me a sad smile before looking back at the book.

“Maggie, this is Faith,” Mike said to her, “Faith, this is my older sister, Maggie.”

I smiled at her and she smiled back, although it was tinged with sadness.

“I’m so sorry.” I said to her.

She nodded and then went back to the book with Frank. Mike walked me into the kitchen where Sarah was sitting at the kitchen island lined with bar stools. Another woman was sitting with her, she had a cup of tea in front of her that she was staring at but she looked up with red, puffy eyes as Mike and I entered.

“Faith, you’ve already met Sarah, but, this is Claire,” He gestured to the other woman, “Claire, this is Faith.”

Claire got up slowly and pulled me in for a hug. She had dark blonde hair like Sarah’s but hers was much longer, it went to the middle of her back. She looked to be in her mid to late twenties and was wearing a pair of skinny jeans and an oversized dark gray sweater.

“I am so sorry.” I said, hugging her back.

Claire sniffled and thanked me.

“It’s so nice to meet you.” She said holding my hands, “I just wish it was under better circumstances.”

I nodded, “Me too. Your mother was a wonderful woman.”

Sarah came and snuggled into my side for a hug, which I obliged.

“I’m sorry, Faith, I’ve barely slept…” Claire said.

“Oh, that’s fine, please, do whatever you need.”

Mike hugged Claire before she headed up to take a nap.

“I’m going to go help my dad and Maggie…” Mike said to me quietly. I was still holding Sarah so I just nodded and patted her hair as he left us in the kitchen.

“Sarah, are you hungry?” I asked pulling away from her to look at her face.

She nodded sadly.

“How does grilled cheese sound?” I asked.

Sarah perked up a bit and I got to work. Within a few minutes we were sharing a grilled cheese at the kitchen island. We ate in silence. What do you say to a 19-year-old girl who’s just lost her mother?

“I…I’m going to major in dance.” She said finally, “I was going to tell her when I got home for Christmas break, I know she would’ve been happy.”

“She would’ve been proud.” I said putting my arm around her.

“Um…I don’t know what I’m supposed to wear.” Sarah said after a few moments.

“Well, usually people wear nice clothes, like the things you’d wear to church, and usually in dark colors. Do you have anything like that?” I asked her.

She shook her head and started to cry. I pulled her to me and rocked her.

“Shhhh. It’s okay. We’ll just go get you something, okay?” I wiped away her tears and she nodded.

Maggie walked in and saw us. She walked to the fridge and pulled out a soda before sighing and picking up the tea cup Claire left behind.

“She never cleans up after herself. And who made this mess in the sink?” She said looking at the pan I used for the grilled cheese.

“I’m sorry, that was me, I’ll make sure to clean it up before we leave. I’ll take care of the cup, too.” I said getting up.

“No. You’re a guest here, I’ll take care of it.” Maggie said waving me away angrily.

I didn’t want to insist on her letting me clean up but it was awkward for me to stand there and watch her fret about dishes so I changed the subject.

“Maggie, Sarah and I were going to go out and get her a dress, would you like us to stop and pick up some groceries or dinner on our way home?”

Maggie shot Sarah a dirty look, “You’re going shopping for clothes at a time like this? Honestly, Sarah, what is wrong with you?”

Sarah looked hurt and mumbled something.

“What? Speak up!”

“The dress is for the funeral.”  I said.

Maggie gave me a cold look and then shrugged nonchalantly, “I’ll make you a list; just let me clean this mess up.”

I nodded and then Sarah and I walked into the living room.

“Dad, maybe we should revisit the idea of cremation. Then we could keep the urn here or put it in her garden out back…”

“Your sister said no to that.”

“But she…hey…” Mike said seeing Sarah and I. He stood up, sensing that I wanted to talk to him.

“Sarah and I wanted to go get her something to wear for the funeral. Can I borrow your car?”

“Yeah, sure.” Mike dug in his pockets for his keys before handing them to me.

“Frank, would you like us to get anything for dinner on our way home?”

Frank asked me to pick up a fried chicken meal from KFC for everyone and said he’d ask Mike to text me how much to buy. I nodded, gave him a hug, and then told Sarah to go get her coat. She ran upstairs just as Maggie came out of the kitchen with the list of groceries.

“This should get us through the holiday. Mom had most of the stuff already bought for Christmas dinner but not everything.”

“Okay,” I said, “I’ll be sure to get all of this. I’m stopping to pick up fried chicken for dinner so, if you’re hungry be sure to let Mike know. He’s going to text me how much to get.”

“Fried chicken?” Maggie asked with disdain, “Let me guess, dad, you asked for that? Are you trying to kill yourself?”

I tried to keep the shock from Maggie’s comment off my face but I’d be lying if I didn’t say I was relieved to see Sarah bounding down the steps, ready to go.

We left and hit a few stores before finding a sensible and age appropriate dress for the funeral.

“We should probably get you some tights so your legs aren’t cold.” I said looking around the mall.

“Okay. Faith….?”

I looked at her.

“Thank you for doing this.”

I nodded, “Of course.”

When we got back to Mike’s parents’ house laden with groceries and fried chicken, I could hear voices from outside the front door.

“That is NOT what she would have wanted Mike! I’ve already explained that I’ll pay for the burial plot!”

“It’s not about the money, Maggie! Mom didn’t leave any kind of instructions for this and you know how much she enjoyed gardening!”

Sarah and I quietly walked into the kitchen as Mike, Maggie, and Frank continued to argue. I put the groceries away with Sarah’s help and made a plate of chicken up for Frank. Sarah sat down at the dining room table with some food.

“Thank you, sweetie.” Frank said as I handed it to him and sat on the arm of the couch.

Mike and Maggie were still fighting, although not as loudly. Claire sleepily walked down the stairs and into the kitchen where I could hear silverware and plates being pulled out of cabinets.

I didn’t want to interrupt Mike and Maggie, so I left his keys on the coffee table where he saw them and then wandered back into the kitchen. I was really uncomfortable, like I was witnessing something that was intensely private. And the argument about what to do with Betty just intensified. Claire eventually joined into the argument but I sent Sarah up to bed before calling a cab.

I motioned to Mike that I was leaving, it was really late, and he came over and gave me a kiss on the cheek.

“I’m sorry you had to see this, today.”

“It’s fine.” I said, “But I should really go, are you going to be okay?”

“Yeah, I’ll call you tomorrow, okay?”

I nodded and then saw my cab from the front window, so I waved to Maggie, Claire, and Frank who all barely noticed me due to the argument they were having over the obituary.

I feel bad for leaving Mike with them but there was really nothing I could do for him. It would have been massively inappropriate for me to try and insert myself into such an argument or try to mediate it. And, really, I don’t think Maggie would have allowed that, anyway.